


Ghosts

by Viraaja



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Time, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-07-12
Packaged: 2017-11-09 19:40:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/457638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viraaja/pseuds/Viraaja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During one of Cloud's yearly visits to Nibelheim he finds Sephiroth alive in the reactor. AC timeline- Set a few years after Sephiroth's defeat in the movie. May not be completely cannon compliant. Yaoi. Cloud/Sephiroth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: I'm sorry. I had to. I've been writing this thing on and off for a little over 3 years... maybe longer? I just finally feel I reached a stopping point so I am splitting my little story up into two parts. Here is the first- unbeta'd (accepting offers- I know I've probably missed a ton of really obvious stuff). I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Part II shouldn't take me nearly as long as part I :)

**Ghosts - Part I.**

Pale fingers clutched at even paler hair. Shoulders hunched against a hail of memories. Lips stretched wide to let loose a terrible scream, one that fell only on deaf ears. It was numbed pain that caused these reactions, Triggered by images, obscene visions, which flashed through an unwilling mind. Too fast to comprehend, all just bits and pieces of a much larger picture, snapshots of a life he couldn't remember, but had obviously lived. They burned into his retinas like some movie that had been left on pause too long before the TV was turned off- so that the image still lingered, eerily shadowed against what should have been a dead black screen. The pain was nominal, but fresh, splitting and burning into an old wound. And yet, as these memories rewound through his brain, Sephiroth couldn't help but notice a weight being lifted from his shoulders. It was as if this story had already come to it's due close, as he was only being forced to recognize it, to remember it. These flashes of pain, pictures and people, raced forth only to fade back to what seemed more a distant nightmare than a recollection of past events. And as the last of the visions faded, as the story rewound to it's beginning, and green turned to red and red into rocks and beams and fire and pain, his body was thrown forward in a rush of wind and static. Hands clutched desperately for purchase against a slim handle of life, and eyes shut against a vision of gold and anger and promise, its face burned into the black screen of his lids.

* * *

Cloud had never been the most…social person, and over the years his friends had come to terms with this, though not without a good amount of effort towards the opposite. So it wasn't with much notice nor complaint that he found himself packing a few meager traveling items into Fenrir and leaving Midgar one night. He had a destination in mind, Nibelheim, but not for any reason other than the normal one. It was early spring, when frost still bit into the dew-covered grass during early morning and the snow-capped mountains still slumbered…and just around the time of the anniversary of, well, what Cloud had come to call 'The Anniversary'.

For the past few years, Cloud had made this same exact journey. His reasons were many, and varied: To pay respect to the many dead, to make sure the reactor truly was inactive, to place a flower upon his mother's unmarked grave. But in all honesty, he couldn't formulate a true good excuse. It was just a feeling, a silent call from his childhood home that drew him. He could cover it up with whatever story he devised, but for those few weeks he stayed in the abandoned village; he couldn't help but feel like he was waiting for something.

As he came upon the quiet Nibelheim, blue eyes swept over the small shapes of houses, and further in the distance, the looming black silhouette of Shinra Mansion. Now there was something he did avoid. His own skeletons had been chased away, for the most part, but that mansion was home to someone else's demons. Demons that Cloud had no intention of undertaking. He'd continue these visits to his childhood home for as long as he was urged to, but he'd never willing deal anything more than this solemn remembrance.

Nibelheim didn't seem to want to reconcile with it's own demons either. Perhaps that was why all the people had fled from it. Or maybe it was because without the pay coming from down from Shinra…this place really was worth nothing more than the memories it still held. Homes and shops lined the dirt and grass streets, the previous owners not even bothering to close the shutters or lock their doors. Winter had done it's job of killing off the growth of vines and plants, but their brown barren husks still clung to the edges of rooftops, much like village itself still tried to cling to it's past life. How ironic, how appropriate.

Mid-afternoon was easing into evening when Cloud settled into his one of the many homes. He'd long ago 'claimed' the house as his, and so had it stocked with canned foods and toiletries, and some extra clothing, along with an assortment of other items that could come in useful during his short stays. The actual house was probably the smallest of any in the village with a single main room that also functioned as a kitchen, and a separate bedroom and bathroom off to the side. The bedroom was Cloud's favorite portion of the house. Its wooden planked walls warmed nicely when the fireplace was lit and the previous owners had hung afghans on the walls to add a bit of coziness and color to the otherwise barren room. Even though the colors didn't exactly…match, the worn threads and muted oranges and reds and yellows and blues…calmed Cloud, somewhat. The main room, other than holding a large couch and coffee table, had a bookshelf propped against one wall. There was a larger fireplace built in but that one's floo was stuck shut, and it had never gotten so cold before that Cloud had reason to really figure out how to fix the thing. Any meat he needed, to go along with the many canned peas and corn and other vegetables, he hunted for.

So all in all, Cloud considered himself to be well off during his stays in Nibelheim, leaving him more time to sit and think than worry about where his next meal was going to come from. And more time to explore, and remember, and did he mention think? Cloud did a lot of thinking these days. Probably too much, by any one man's standards. One conclusion he had come to, though, was that he had changed drastically over the years. He was still quiet and introspective, but he'd watched the awkwardness that was a result of youth and low self-esteem fade away as he'd grown older. Cloud was no longer a boy, and with his age brought a level of experience and maturity that didn't allow space for his previous hesitancies and uncertainties. Saving the world…twice may have had a hand with that.

Sometimes, Cloud still felt like he was on some kind of a mission, though his goal was unknown. Maybe that's why Nibelheim called out to him, or why he couldn't settle down in one spot for too long of a time. Or maybe the life of a vagrant, whether he chose to recognize it or not, was the only thing that could keep him occupied. What else is there to do with one's life after saving the world from impending doom? Cloud allowed himself a small indulgent smile over that, but really? Settle down and start a family? He had never been that kind of a person, though that seemed to be what everyone thought he should do. From the small hints that Tifa tended to drop whenever they were together, to Barrett's own brash and blunt questions, Cloud would have to be blind to not see their expectations.

Yet, Cloud didn't have any expectations for himself or his life. He just…went with it. And for now, that was enough.

Cloud stared warily up at the entrance to the reactor. The early morning light, gray and heavy, made the already eerie place seem even more unearthly. Wetness clung to his face like a second skin, leaving a film of shine that was both clammy and unclean. As he brushed by cold rock and iron railing, he fought the urge to recoil. He couldn't ever imagine this part of his journey as being pleasurable, but just like he felt like he had to sooth the spirit of Nibelheim with his presence every year, he had to visit the reactor.

As far as he was concerned, this was where it all had started. And while is should hold even worse demons than the damned mansion, Cloud found himself being more saddened than disturbed. Stepping through the different rooms and passing by exposed plumbing and, deeper still, broken pods that once held…god knows what...caused his heart to constrict. His throat grew tight against a sigh he longed to just expel, and his eyes systematically took in each and every sight laid bare before him with a silent sort of acceptance.

The reactor never changed, almost as if it had been thrown into suspended animation, every piece of broken glass and every twisted metal shard exactly as he remembered. And he remembered it all, down to the smallest detail. That was where he had found Zach, weakened and almost unconscious, and that was where Tifa had fallen, and there was where he had thrown Sephiroth…

Sephiroth.

Oh shit.

A figure lay, unmoving, upon the metal grating leading over the mako pit, Sephiroth.

Cloud didn't even think as his sword was drawn and leveled before him. What the fuck was going on, Sephiroth _should_ be dead. But instead there he was, silver hair covering bare shoulders, chest rising and falling with shallow breaths, skin reflecting a faint green light from the mako underneath them. Cloud didn't fight the bile that rose into the back of his throat, even his hands shook as he took a step towards the figure, with fear, with disbelief. _Maybe…he's just a figment, I'm just seeing things._ Or maybe it wasn't even Sephiroth. Cloud had encountered clones before that had the same silver hair, or maybe…

Carefully, Cloud took the final step towards the body and leaned over it, sword positioned precariously above the man's stomach, and worked up the courage to peer at the face. Tired lines of pain ran across all too familiar features, and when eyelids blinked open to reveal pale green eyes, Cloud's fear turned back to anger, and his hesitancy into action, and his sword slid easily into the man below him.

* * *

Sephiroth was surprised at his own cry of pain as he felt cold metal piercing his middle. It was as if his visions had suddenly become reality, the wound that had ached with forgotten pain reopened by the man's sword. And his face, it was almost a perfect match to the one he'd last seen while the sensation of being thrown forward overtook him.

_Strife…?_

Metal slid further into the wound as Cloud snarled at him, a rush of hot and cold seemed to almost move straight from the other man through the sword and right into Sephiroth. And the words, they cut almost as deep as the blade, "You. Are. Dead."

"No-" Sephiroth gasped, hands lifting to grab at the blade, eyes a mixture of guilt, defiance, confusion... He hadn't had time to get his thoughts straight, he hadn't had a moment to understand, and he knew this wasn't the same situation as his last vision, as his last real memory, but it felt just like it…

Except there was no voice whispering in the back of his head. No false promises, professions of motherly love, no lies. Just the sword in his stomach and the same angry, passionate face…

Sephiroth's hands fell from their loose grip on the sword, fingers leaving trails of red as they slid down the sides. His throat was raw but he couldn't work up the strength to swallow, let alone…plead? Beg? Fight? None of those actions even struck him as being the appropriate response. No, all he really wanted was a moment to  _breath_.

* * *

Cloud hovered anxiously over the form below him, waiting for the attack that was sure to come, the scathing remarks, and taunting prods. Yet, nothing but the small weak response of 'no' fell from the other man's lips. It had almost been lost with the gasp, but Cloud had still caught it. And that paired with the quickly fading strength in the body beneath him, and the confused, yet clear eyes…

Maybe he had reacted too quickly.

Instinct overtook thought once again as Cloud dropped to his knees beside Sephiroth. His sword was still embedded in Sephiroth's abdomen, and he steadied it with a trembling hand, swiping his eyes over bared pale flesh. The wound would need healing, and Cloud did in fact have a potion on him, but the contents wouldn't do much other than slow the bleeding. Unless he was able to come across a cure materia…well. Sucking in a gulp of air, Cloud placed a gloved hand upon Sephiroth's sternum, right above the sword, and slowly pulled the blade free. He couldn't help but cringe at the other man's cry of pain. Sephiroth had never been one to ever make any show of weakness. Hearing anything other than a maniacal chuckle disturbed Cloud more than anything. It almost made Sephiroth appear like just any other person. Almost.

Cloud frowned at his own thoughts and immediately applied pressure to the open wound while setting his sword aside. With his now free hand he dug around in the inner pockets of his coat and pulled out a small, faintly glowing, blue bottle.

"You need to drink this," Cloud popped the cork free and placed the rim at Sephiroth's lips, silently willing the man to trust him enough to drink the contents. After all, he had just shoved a sword through his belly without prompt.

Sephiroth didn't hesitate in accepting the potion, though, and Cloud quickly discarded the empty bottle. He'd have to wait to stitch the wound until he got back to his house, so that still left the problem of getting there. From the looks of Sephiroth, eyes fluttering in attempts to stay open, and body about as limp as a dead fish, well, he doubted the man would be able to walk. Cloud cursed. I must be going insane. Spite and frustration laced his movements as he jerked his coat off. Helping the enemy. Attacking a defenseless man- he couldn't get his mind straight enough to even begin to digest his current situation. And now he'd have to carry him all the way back into town, lend him his home, heal his wound, all the while worrying over his own sanity.

And so, it was with a grunt and a good balancing act that Cloud hauled the formerly esteemed general turned psychotic maniac over his shoulder, and started the slow trek back to Nibelheim.

* * *

Sephiroth hurt. All over. Not just his stomach, but his arms and legs and back…all the muscles burned with the pain of disuse. His joints were stiff, and his head felt like it had been smashed with a building. Not against, no, more like some giant had picked up a building and literally chucked it at his face. And his current state of near upside down…ness, was most surely not helping. Mako poisoning, Sephiroth mused, was probably the culprit, as well as the nasty wound in his stomach. Poisoning he had been through before, and had come to a certain…tolerance of the symptoms associated with it. But where had he been that allowed for him to come into such exposure to mako? His memory was still not working, even the present felt hazy.

But at least Cloud didn't seem so bent on his death, as he had before. Perhaps this was part of his ultimate plan of slowly and surely killing his Superior Officer. Sephiroth mentally cackled at himself before pushing those thoughts aside. He was loosing his sanity, apparently, from what he could recall, for the second time in his life. That thought alone was enough to sober him. Fighting against the nausea that crept up to replace the sinking feeling in his stomach, Sephiroth's hands unconsciously clutched at the back of Cloud's shirt. Nostrils flared with breath and the soft smell of clean clothes and sweat washed over him with a sense of calm. He really had gone insane. But…he felt so…normal? It was hard to come to terms with the idea that he possibly could still be insane. Surely, his mind seemed in perfect, if not delirious, shape?

No, he was not insane. Sephiroth was able to recall those hours when he lost his grip, and even those moments didn't seem his own. It was like the voice in the back of his mind had simply stepped forward, and he in his misery had willingly given up control. Jenova. Mother? Even now he still didn't know.

"Cloud…" Sephiroth cringed as his voice came out in a scratched whisper. He had so many questions, and while this was perhaps not the best time to ask them, he needed to break the thick silence that was bearing down between him and Cloud. What had happened to cause such animosity? Where once stood the separation of officer and lowly soldier, a gulf that even then was uncomfortable, was now a feeling of trepidation. Sephiroth felt as though he had to choose his words carefully, that anything could set Cloud off. His attack in the reactor had proven that. Sephiroth was unused to the feeling.

Eventually the sounds of Cloud's footsteps were joined with the soft snapping of twigs from the surrounding forest. Sephiroth's head jerked sideways, green eyes sliding across tree trunks. And there, movement, a black shape among green and brown. It was just a flash, but years of training weren't forgotten in the face of a little bit of pain and introspection. And as he was suddenly being settled down onto his knees, it seemed like Cloud had noticed his sudden change in composure.

"Is something wrong-"

"Quiet," the command evident in his whisper. Sephiroth rested a hand upon Cloud's shoulder as he tipped his ear towards the forest, ignoring the flinch under his palm. Sephiroth was used to people shying from him, but even after so long, he'd be lying if he said it no longer stung. But his face was masked by his frown, and he instead turned calm, battle-hardened eyes towards Cloud. The tense gulf of...hatred? crashed against Sephiroth as the other evenly met his gaze. Sephiroth's control only faltered for a moment, but the sound of movement again, closer this time, caught Cloud's attention instead.

Perhaps it was just some woodland creature out early from hibernation? Sephiroth only dared to hope. Cloud was frowning now, and his body stiffened when a low keening echoed from the forest. High and piercing, a predator's call meant to confuse and disturb prey. So they were being hunted. The smell of blood had likely drawn the beast, and now it was looking to take down its meal. Him, mainly. Predators always went for the weakest of the bunch, the easiest to snatch away, and thus also preserve it's food supply by leaving the strong to survive. Sephiroth's hand unconsciously tightened its hold on Cloud's shoulder.

The attack by this point was barely a surprise, though by what did give Sephiroth a shock. Trees trembled and the ground shook, and where Sephiroth expected to see a bear or wolf, was a Nibel dragon. The thing was huge, monstrous, all green and black blurred together as it lunged out of the foliage and right at them. Oh great. All Sephiroth could do in that moment between realization and exasperation was blink. He definitely did not marvel at how the huge body so easily slammed into his and Cloud's own so that they just seemed to bounce right off of it.

By the sensation of warmth sliding down his side Sephiroth knew his wound had split back open. Pain momentarily blocked out all other senses, he really wasn't in any shape for a fight, and with a Nibel dragon nonetheless. Sephiroth still struggled to get himself into a more defensive position. Thankfully, Cloud was already on his feet next to him, swinging his sword around as he prepared to charge at the monster. Isn't this embarrassing. Here he was, about as helpless as an ant, depending on some grunt soldier to protect him. He didn't even have a weapon for planet's sake. Except that Cloud didn't look like the standard grunt arms man anymore. Sephiroth watched with silent fascination as Cloud attacked the beast, body moving fluidly through the air. He handled the huge buster sword with such little effort, swinging and thrusting and slicing into the dragon's hide as if it were made of butter. And his body, no longer was it that of a boys'. Cloud had filled into his small stature, muscles sleek and strong under tanned skin. And he wasn't even that small anymore. Cloud had transformed into a man.

_Where have I been?_

Sephiroth struggled to push himself up off the ground, he couldn't lay there like some invalid, every molecue in his body bid him fight. His new-found knowledge that some significant time had passed since he last recalled urged him into action. Apparently, much more was going on than he was aware of, and perhaps that explained Cloud's reaction to him in the reactor. He was going to find out, no matter what it was, but in order to do that he had to survive this fight. Just as Sephiroth managed to gain some semblance of balance, he looked up to see Cloud's body being thrown against the trunk of a large tree, head cracking back against wood and sword sliding across the path out of his reach. The dragon turned from Cloud and stared down its intended prey, eyes burning nto him, tail twitching in anticipation of the kill.  Now it did seem like he was going to have to defend himself. Sephiroth stumbled forward towards the abandoned sword, mind a whirl as the scenery lurched around him.

Muscles seized against the unwanted use, the buster sword heavy in his hands. The weight nothing like that of his masamune. But he was a SOLDIER, the General, a dragon wasn't going to get the best of him or any of his men, no matter what. Sephiroth, for a fleeting moment, felt doubt creep into the cracks of his composure. He had never fought with injuries such as his before, certainly never with mako poisoning. And now his vision swam and his body felt light as a balloon one moment and as heavy as the dragon the next. The buster sword was an unfamiliar weapon, and he wasn't do sure he could handle the extra balance required to swing the thing. He'd throw himself over before he managed a good swing at the dragon. Unfortunately, the dragon wasn't going to wait for him to get himself in order. Sephiroth swallowed back a mix of fear and hopelessness and submerged himself in a state of mind he had long ago become.

Emotions flowed away in a cold rush of determination. It wasn't anger or fear that fueled him forward, but an absence of anything other than absolute intent on his goal. _Kill._ Pain eased into a distant tingle, sound and sight tunneling in on the beast before him. Black and green and so...so huge. Sounds and scents faded until all that he noticed, all that he was aware of was the dragon. The sword lifted despite the strain of its weight. Sephiroth barely registered the sensation of muscle stretching from bone, and locked his arm into a high guard.

"Come on," his voice shook as he watched the dragon leap. Just one lucky thrust into his belly and the thing would be dead, all he had to do was stay upright and conscious and away from the claws... Time slowed as the dragon came crashing down on him, and then he leapt, dashing beneath the beast, the blade sliding inbetween the mottled scales as the great weight collapsed upon him, crushing his body straining against the weight, and he heard the audible snap of the bones in his wrist as the blade sunk into soft flesh. The sword was ripped from his lank grip and the dragon tumbled over onto its side, thankfully, off of him. That hadn't worked out as well as he had hoped and ripping the sword from his grip.

But the dragon was dead.

Sephiroth sighed.

* * *

The door to Cloud's home banged open with a violence normally associated with anger. In this case it was more akin to panic. Cloud was frantic. Sephiroth's wound was streaming with fresh blood, split open by the fight with the dragon. That, added to freshly broken bones, combined with the fact that Cloud only had the most basic of first aid equipment at his disposal... things were not looking good.

His hands fumbled with a potion as he brought the rim to Sephiroth's lips. The man didn't swallow the liquid as readily as he had earlier, and Cloud couldn't help but think the worst. Sephiroth was unconscious, not weak with exhaustion as in the reactor, and Cloud's hands were trembling so badly half of the liquid was dribbling down the other man's chin rather than making it into his mouth. Still, the potion was gone in a matter of moments, and he set his attention to stitching the stomach wound closed.

Time crept by, minutes spanning what seemed like hours. When Cloud finally sat back from his work, cold sweat tickled his neck and forehead, his hands shaking as they set aside the needle and thread. There wasn't anything he could do for the broken wrist other than set it, but with all of the mako that had to be in Sephiroth's system he expected that to heal within a day or two. Standard issue SOLDIER recovery rate, for such an injury. Unfortunately that didn't apply to stab wounds. Or minds.

Even after that display with the dragon, Cloud wasn't ready to believe in Sephiroth's sanity, or redemption for that matter. But he did find himself willing to consider the possibility that maybe this Sephiroth laying unconscious before him was...different, than the more recent incarnations he had encountered. He had seen no sign of Jenova's influence, nothing but for a fleeting moment of fear and then that same cold, emotionless countenance that had been legendary. Cloud dared to hope. He was stupid, and he knew it.

Cloud watched Sephiroth. He watched the rhythmic rise and fall of the other man's chest. He watched the way his fingertips twitched and the way his mouth fell open to mouth inaudible words. He watched the way his face would contort with pain before his mind would force his body further into protective unconsciousness. He was fascinated, intrigued even, by all of the little human things he never would have associated with Sephiroth. And he wondered. He wondered where he came from and why.

Why, after all of this time, and all the different clones and horrors and versions this man had appeared to him as, why he would appear in this form now. It was almost more frightening to be presented with a normal Sephiroth than some mutated version of him. In this form, Cloud was denied all of the easy emotions that made sense when dealing with a monster, a madman. Anger and hatred were all perfectly acceptable reactions to the Sephiroth that he and the rest of the world had come to know. But this Sephiroth... The way he seemed earlier... it was as if this man had picked up where the original Sephiroth had left off. But if it were the case, if this Sephiroth really was the original man from his past, the man who brilliantly won one of the longest on-going wars of their age, the genius swordsman whose skill was brought on not just by mako but by his own amazing capabilities...then Cloud just didn't know how to deal with that.

Cloud had loved that man. Hero worship, or whatever you wanted to call it, was the driving force of much of Cloud's childhood. And now here laying helpless in front of him was that very man. Cloud couldn't keep from hoping.

* * *

Sephiroth awoke with the most wonderful sensation of flying. He felt like he was a million miles up in the air, into space maybe, since there was barely any light in the room. Ah, the room. That was sort of the killer of his would-be wonderful lucid dream. He couldn't be flying if he were surrounded by wooden walls and covered in blankets. Not unless the house was flying, and this did not feel like an airship. No, it most certainly was not the house nor himself flying; it was his all in his head, his swimming aching throbbing head. Flying sensations turned into vertigo and then to nausea and Sephiroth fought with all of his control to keep from dry heaving over the side of the bed.

Bed...

Not a dragon's belly.

The thought was comforting- to know that he was in a place that he could tentatively call safe helped him fight down his gurgling stomach. It didn't, however, quite help with his head. Mako poisoning was a horrible experience at any phase.  The neurological effects negated control over things like sensation, light sensativity, and even emotions to a certain extent. And while Sephiroth recognized himself as having a very mild case of it, any stage of the thing was ridiculously uncomfortable and maddeningly frustrating to treat. A cure materia would help with the pain by leaps and bounds, but Sephiroth could only assume that if one were available it would not be offered to him. Not after...everything.

Those memories...the longer they sat with him the more realistic they became, and the deeper they penetrated into his mind. They were  _real,_ not a dream, but actual events. He knew this without a doubt. And he had been completely, totally, out of his  _mind._  Every action and event he could relive from a first person perspective. What was he thinking? How could he loose himself like that- his control fled and in it's place just absolute subservience to that thing...Jenova. And while she may have been inside his head he made not a single attempt to  _stop her._  That was where Sephiroth could not forgive himself. His lack of control was  _disgusting_.

"...what has happened to me..." his voice rasped, his throat scratched and dry.

"That's what I've been wondering."

Cloud was casually leaning against the door frame of the bedroom. Half of his face was cast in shadow as light from the evening's setting sun filtered in through the window. It brought out the lines around his eyes and mouth, painting a harsh profile of a person much older than what Sephiroth remembered. The sixteen year old boy from Nibelheim was completely absent from this Cloud. Sephiroth thought of the man he watched fight a dragon, nothing like the boy in his memories. Even the boy he remembered... _killing_  him at the crater... Yet again Sephiroth was reminded of how much time he had lost, the darkness of knowing that the world as he remembered was gone began to descend on him- and along with it the numbness of knowing that his place in this new world was probably nonexistent.

Cloud stepped away from the door frame and slowly approached Sephiroth. There was not much distance between the two to begin with, but the obvious caution in Cloud's body language was all Sephiroth needed to see in order to know that Cloud was  _not_  a friend and probably had no qualms killing him again, if given a reason. Of course, Sephiroth should have already known that given the sword wound in his belly.

"You've been sleeping for almost a day," Cloud stated matter of fact as he sat himself in a rickety old chair next to the bed. "I was almost hoping you weren't going to wake up."

A sane man would have protested, but Sephiroth had already proven he was anything but sane and so he nodded his head in agreement, "A reasonable enough request."

Apparently not the response Cloud expected, the other paused to study him more directly- eyes catching Sephiroth's own. However, Sephiroth couldn't match Cloud's gaze as evenly as he would have liked. Every time he looked at Cloud he was reminded of how much time he had lost, and how much pain he had been the cause of. He was sick with himself. Why was he even alive... Sephiroth let out a shuddered sigh and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight back another wave of vertigo.

The next thing he knew the back of Cloud's hand was pressing against his forehead, "How are you feeling?"

Sephiroth froze at the other man's touch, he almost didn't hear the question as he was so intently focused on the hand on his forehead. It dawned upon him that Cloud was trying to measure his body temperature. He had seen this gesture performed before by mothers doting on their sick children. If someone wanted a temperature from Sephiroth they came at him with sticks and mercury and medical contraptions that not only told the person his body's temperature, but every bit and detail of why and what it was going to be if they injected him with this or that or... "I suspect a mild case of mako poisoning," Sephiroth managed to say as he let out the breath he hadn't been intending to hold. The motherly gesture was in complete juxtaposition to not just what Sephiroth was accustomed to, but also to how he expected Cloud to be treating him.

"You have a small fever, you need to drink something- do you think you can hold down some water?" Cloud leaned away and picked up a glass from the bed stand that was half-filled with what Sephiroth assumed was water. The light progressively dimming with the setting sun and Sephiroth was finding it surprisingly difficult to see. Likely a side-effect of the mako poisoning. It would also explain the sluggishness of his motor skills.

Sephiroth lifted a shaking hand to accept the cup from Cloud and flinched at the sharp pain running through the joints of his wrist. That's right...the fight with the dragon... some of the last memories Sephiroth recalled before passing out were those of the bones in his wrist snapping. Cloud had noticed his dilemma as well and he placed the cup back on the bed-stand and instead took Sephiroth's wrist into his own hands.

"I would've thought that the potions would've had this healed this by now," Sephiroth was back to holding his breath as Cloud leaned forward and began unwrapping the makeshift splint he had created. The cloth fell away and revealed pale skin mottled by deep purple and red bruises. Ever so carefully, Cloud pressed his thumb against the sides of Sephiroth's wrist, working his way around with gentle nudges from his fingertips. The attention had Cloud moving further into Sephiroth's personal space, which in turn was causing Sephiroth to hold his breath longer and longer. When Cloud's fingers ran over the tiny spot on Sephiroth's wrist where a tattoo should of been and found nothing he lingered at that spot. "You don't have a number," Cloud's eyes looked up from inspecting the wound and met Sephiroth's.

"I never did," Sephiroth whispered with the breath of air he had been holding, taking his wrist out of Cloud's hands and cradling it in his lap. "Only my...clones...were numbered," those words didn't come easy. The knowledge that his identity had been split among a number of hapless Jenova slaves, mindless except for his and Jenova's influence was sickening. Just another incident where his self control had been compromised.

Cloud nodded, silent, reaching to once again offer the glass of water to Sephiroth who accepted it with his still good hand. "Drink slowly, but often, and I'll need to re-wrap your wrist," Cloud dictated his instructions with that same sort of motherly authority that he used while touching Sephiroth's forehead. The water was delicious against his dry tongue, and he almost didn't want to relinquish his hold on the glass but Cloud insisted. Sephiroth ensured that it was he who placed the glass back on the bed-stand, and that he did so with as little trembling as possible.

His wrist felt infinitely better once Cloud re-wrapped it. He left out the splints this time, using only the cotton gauze to support all of the tiny bones and joints. Sephiroth's breath didn't catch as it had before when the other man's fingers worked over his injury. He leaned into the sensation instead, keeping his eyes intent upon the spinning fabric, fighting the urge to instead watch Cloud's face. His gentleness was surprising considering the hostility of which he'd awoken to. The rage and anger that had been directed toward him in the cave had seemed so vast. What caused Cloud's mood to change so drastically? He accepted  the Cloud's peace with the grace of a beaten dog come back to beg their master's forgiveness. Sephiroth...was not going to complain.

Finally, Cloud finished, sitting back in the chair and leveling a look on Sephiroth. Waiting. Expectant.

The ability to hide emotions was something Sephiroth considered himself skilled in. So skilled, in fact, that over the years he had actually been able to convince himself that he was numb to most. Those who spoke of him as an inhuman, unfeeling weapon were not that far from the truth. Pride, ego, confidence- those were the acceptable norms of his persona. But at this very moment, Sephiroth pondered over the weight that had settled deep in his belly. He was  _nervous_ , sick with unease. His face tilted down, his eyes cast off to stare blankly at the fading light from the window that touched the edge of his bed. The utter silence between him and Cloud was crushing. There was nothing to be said. Sephiroth couldn't hold a conversation worth a damn before, and now when he felt he had so much to say and so many questions, nothing would come forth. How does one ask about all of he horrible things he had done. Why would anyone want to acknowledge it? Sephiroth felt like he had to. He knew at some point he must. Why else would fate drop him directly into the lap of the person who could answer his questions best...as well as the person he had hurt the most. This was not an accident. Only a fool would deny the absolute connection that he and Cloud shared. This had to all be happening for a reason.

Sephiroth lifted his gaze to the window framing the bleak, hazy colors that formed the remains of Nibelheim. Thoughts of what this little town would have been like if he had never came along picked at his brain. Just as Cloud was waiting for some sort of answer from him, he could almost hear the voices of the dead asking him  _why_. The sun was setting. The darkness would be all-consuming when it finally fell beneath the horizon. The ghosts would surely be out then- looking for answers, haunting his dreams.

When the bed dipped from a weight settling upon it, Sephiroth's attention snapped to Cloud's sudden close proximity. He barely breathed as the warmth of someone else's body was suddenly very close to his bare skin. He hardly moved as the other man knelt on the bed in front of him, leaning in close. And he certainly didn't look up as Cloud's hand reached towards his face. Fingers trailed through silver bangs, stopping to linger over the pulse point above his collarbone before slipping behind his neck in a gentle grip, thumb pressing into the place where his pulse fluttered helplessly.. massaging tiny circles...

A simple touch meant to comfort but Sephiroth wanted to sob- He felt the tightness in his chest increase, his breath hitch as something similar to panic but so much more sad coursed through him. He didn't fight when Cloud's hand inched up his neck, keeping his touch soft, and moved past cheek and jaw to cradle the back of his head.  _Oh god..._ The sound of his own labored breathing pounded in his ears. If he had thought his composure was shot before, now that Clouds thumb was instead stroking along the rise of his cheekbone, sending sparks of electricity down his spine and through his belly, well...he could do nothing as control helplessly slipped away.

And when Cloud demanded Sephiroth to look at him, he could do nothing but obey, once again so easily claimed by another.  _Disgusting, wrong, unforgivable._ But for some reason when his eyes met Cloud's, all the degrading thoughts screaming in his mind hushed and Sephiroth finally felt the emotions he'd been holding in crawl up out of his throat.

* * *

The sound was gut-wrenching. Something akin to the cry of an injured animal, breathless and keening, the sound of a broken man's life absolutely falling to pieces. That single drawn out sound seemed to last an eternity- echoing in Cloud's ears even though Sephiroth was now shaking silently in front of him. Tears ran down his cheeks, his mouth hanging open in an empty scream- lips pulled away from teeth in an almost snarl. And his eyes had squeezed shut- wrinkles spidering out from the clenched corners and making him appear so much different from the mindless monster Cloud had come to know him as.

Cloud allowed himself to react naturally to Sephiroth's pain. His grip intensified, fingers tangling in the soft hair at the base of Sephiroth's skull. Cloud's other hand reached up to stroke the bangs out of Sephiroth's face, wiping away at some of the tears trailing down his cheeks. The shaking increased with Cloud's gentle touches but instinct was telling him not to stop, that Sephiroth needed the attention, the support and reassurance that Cloud could give him. Cloud's own breath was beginning to tremble, the effect of watching Sephiroth break down disturbing his centered state of being.

It had taken him years to recover from everything that had happened- and now Cloud watched Sephiroth go through the same motions that years ago he himself had delt with. Having the support of his friends had given Cloud the opportunity to emerge from the abyss whole and healed, but Sephiroth... Sephiroth had no one. Sephiroth had no one that night in the mansion and he hadn't recovered then. If Cloud didn't step up at this moment and pull him through to sanity Sephiroth would surely snap again. And...could anyone really blame him? That night so long ago, when Sephiroth had no one to go to when the deepest secrets about his nature were revealed, who wouldn't break under those circumstances? How could anyone fault Sephiroth for not keeping it together when he was alone and devastated. Jenova was the only kind voice, he was sure, and that was why Sephiroth had clung to her, submitted to her. Just like he was clinging to Cloud's own tenderness.

Except Cloud was not Jenova.

"Shhh," Cloud pressed closer to Sephiroth, crading his cheek in his palm while continuing to stroke his free hand through his hair. He rested their foreheads together, concentrating on the labored breath being drawn in and out of the others mouth. "Shhh...Sephiroth, shhh," the little whispers fell so easily from his lips. Sephiroth breathed them all in, swallowed them whole, and after some time the silent sobs wracking his body calmed into the hitched breathing from before. The tender stroking of Cloud's hand fell into a grip to match his other, so that Sephiroth couldn't turn his face away once he started to gather his wits back about him. Cloud didn't know if he could, but he suspected that Sephiroth would try to pull away. He didn't want him to succeed. If Sephiroth couldn't accept the comfort Cloud was offering the crack in his being would never heal. Cloud needed Sephiroth to know that this reaction was good, it was human, it was  _sane_.

The urge to kiss Sephiroth was so intense Cloud actually started to tilt his head to side, tugging back on the silver hair so that their lips lined up- pressing his thumb gently against Sephiroth's jaw so that his mouth fell open just slightly... Cloud caught himself before their lips could actually touch. He had grown up hero-worshipping Sephiroth. And then, when Sephiroth had finally snapped and set in motion that last decade of his life, Cloud had no choice but to focus all thought on him. For the longest time he was the center of his life-  _killing_  Sephiroth was always his goal but that didn't change the fact that so much of his energy and focus had been directed on him. And now, the center of his obsession was sitting right before him broken open and Cloud just wanted to  _kiss_  him.

In some bizarre way it made sense.

* * *

Cloud had released his hold on Sephiroth's hair. It was only when his chin had drooped so low that his forehead was actually resting on Cloud's shoulder that Sephiroth noticed. Exhaustion was catching up with him and his...meltdown...had sapped whatever energy Sephiroth had mustered up from sleeping.

Exhaustion. That was also to blame for his hallucinating Cloud almost  _kissing_  him.

As well his lack of resistance.

But while Sephiroth's mind was screaming at him to  _get away_ \- away from Cloud and away from these sensations and feelings that were rising to the surface of his hazy mind, he just couldn't bring himself to listen. He had spent his life listening to his brain and where had that ever gotten him? Dead. Used. Useless. Sephiroth's past fate encompassed a multitude of dreadful and depressing outcomes. But if he didn't listen to his brain what was left but his heart and that was a long unfamiliar path that Sephiroth wasn't so sure he had the ability to conquer.

When Sephiroth pulled away he did so with much less force than he intended. His shove was spoiled when his awful deceiving fingers instead curled into the fabric of Clouds shirt, gripping loosely even while he pushed them apart. Plus, his hands were  _shaking_ \- who told them to do  _that_?

"I do not want to talk about it," Sephiroth whispered.

Whether he was answering Cloud's unvoiced questions, or commenting on the almost kiss, or reacting to his own emotional outburst was left up to Cloud to decide. Sephiroth purposely kept his eyes clear of any of the internal turmoil that was currently causing his stomach to roll. Stomach. Not quite healed, so it seemed. The pain of his stab wound was throbbing more with each passing moment. Sephiroth suspected that all his labored breathing had re-awoken the pain from whatever drug-induced slumber it had been under. Now, it was back with a fury, perhaps angry at him for even daring to forget about it.

Cloud, ever the perceptive observer, was able to just avoid being hurled up on. As Sephiroth flung himself over the bed and puked all over the floor, he felt somewhat vindicated by the disgusted twist of Cloud's features. Plus, he managed to avoid getting his hair in the mess- a small triumph but one Sephiroth gleefully claimed. Sephiroth's bloom of satisfaction didn't last long. It seemed that the water he had drank just earlier was fueling his nausea and his retching was refusing to stop. Pretty soon he had nothing left to do but dry heave and hack at the burned tissue that was formerly his esophagus. Cloud has since left him alone. Understandably. Sephiroth wasn't really bothered by something so low on a the disgust scale as vomit but apparently a lot of normal people were, so he accepted the abandonment. Although, Sephiroth couldn't deny the familiar tickle in his chest that reminded him of being laid out on one of Hojo's lab tables- in pain, alone, cold.. abandoned. It's not that Sephiroth had expected Cloud to help him, no one ever had.

So Sephiroth was almost startled when a hand pressed a cool cloth to his forehead. His body sung in relief at the attention it drew away from his twisting stomach. The pain was still so intense that Sephiroth didn't even resist the slight pressure against his forehead that drew him upwards from where he had been hanging over the side of the bed. A second hand slipped around his waist and joined in guiding him backwards towards the head of the bed, and finally, into the curl of Cloud's loose hold.

Sephiroth did not breath. This was too much. Far too close, too intimate- worse than the almost kiss. So, so much worse.

"This is my last one so don't waste any," Cloud whispered into Sephiroth's ear as he lifted the rim of a tiny bottle to his lips. Instinct took over and Sephiroth obediently drank every drop of the potion. His shocked brain couldn't resist the command - his body was craving the soothing, minty coolness of the healing potion. He drank until there was no more, until his tongue could only lap at the last remaining drops pooling at the lip of the bottle. He was so  _thirsty_  now and the potion was helping to quench his parched mouth. Even when Cloud pulled the bottle away, Sephiroth continued to lick his lips until he could no longer taste the lingering cool sweetness. Potions always made people a little bit fuzzy when first ingested. It part of it's healing properties- the haziness felt like a warm cloud around his mind and let him forget about the pain in his stomach and instead sink back into the comfort of-

No, no no.

Warm Cloud was  _right._

No, it was  _wrong._

Sephiroth's mind panicked even as he felt his head fall back onto a waiting shoulder, his face turning to rest against the warm crook of Cloud's shoulder, his body relaxing back into the firm support of Cloud and the soft comfort of pillows. Only his breath betrayed his inner battle- raggedly trying to keep his body under control even as it happily betrayed him. When Cloud  _laughed_  into his temple the sensation resonated throughout his entire body.  _Bad. Wrong. Unacceptable._ Sephiroth's mind lost itself in his own personal scolding while his body hummed with the contentment of finally getting a fucking hug. Thank you very much.

When Sephiroth finally slipped into sleep, the sun had just fully set. Cloud continued to hold him while night settled peacefully into it's familiar darkness and eventually he too found sleep.

It would seem that Nibelheims ghosts would be held at bay for at least for one night.


	2. Part II

**Ghosts - Part II**

Sephiroth awoke bleary-eyed and stiff. Sight was a struggle as the fever had caused his eyes to crust over badly during the night. When they did finally blink open, he immediately regretted it, sinking back a little further into the pillows as a frown pulled at his lips.

Along with the opening of his eyes came the awakening of his brain. The morning sun that was just fully peaking over the horizon had lit the tiny bedroom up with the happy glow of new day joy- Sephiroth's mood, however, was falling ever further as the synapses in his brain fired and all the memories of the previous evening came back in a rush.

Cloud.

Cloud holding him. Holding him while he cried. Holding him while he slept.

Sephiroth couldn't ignore the tiny flip in his stomch at the memory. Nor could he stop the rush of blood to his head that caused a sort of loopy anxiousness to grab hold of him. Cloud had held him  _all night._ The memories were clear as the pain from his stomach wound, the sensation of Cloud's arms wrapped around him burned permanently into his skin. Now that Sephiroth's body had been given a taste it seemed determined not to forget it, and he could hardly do anything other than sit in bed and replay the night over in his head. Sleep had taken him deeply, deep enough that the familiar nightmares couldn't find him- but Sephiroth remembered waking every so often for no other reason than Cloud shifting against him. It amazed him that the awkwardness of the situation hadn't kept him up. Instead, Sephiroth realized he had gone the entire night sleeping in the arms of Cloud Strife.

_Well fuck._

Dust danced like sparkling stars from a tiny universe in the air around the bedroom, almost as if they were trying to help brighten Sephiroth's mood. The lilting notes of birdsong floated in from outside- and was that a wind chime tinkling in the distance? Sephiroth gripped the sheets in a deathly twist. Cloud would not leave his thoughts. His body and heart were working against his mind to try to make him come to some sort of realization. Sephiroth was used to this. Defeating these sorts of feelings was something he had spent his entire life perfecting- he just needed a distraction. Looking around Sephiroth picked out details from the room that he had failed to notice the night prior: There were two doors leading out of the small space, the window had been cracked opened to let fresh air circulate in, and the fireplace was crackling with the remainder of a small fire that was more ash than flames. Assuming Cloud had started the fire when he had awoken Sephiroth would guess he'd been alone for no longer than an hour.

A shower sounded like a good idea, and after shifting the sheets away so he could examine his stitches Sephiroth determined that he'd probably survive a short trek to the bathroom. Picking a door and holding his breath, Sephiroth braced himself against pain and slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed. The few unsteady steps it took to get him to the door were more excruciating than he thought they'd be. Laying in bed had caused the wound to become stiff and sore, and the stitches pulled sharply at the angry swollen skin surrounding the area- nevertheless, Sephiroth grit his teeth and made sure his grasp on the handle was firm, pushing open the door to reveal just what he sought, a bathroom.

The room was beyond simple, but there was some strange elegance about it. A single frosted window lit the entire room in the same rosy golden light filled the bedroom. The tub was claw-footed and large, the porcelain bright and pearly against the hardwood floor. A brushed metal shower head arched out from the pipes running exposed along the ceiling, and the thin curtain of netting surrounding the tub that was probably there more for modesty's sake than to contain any splashing water. A furry dark brown throw rug sat in the middle of the floor with matching dark brown towels folded atop a small wooden stool next to the tub. Besides the unassuming toilet in the corner and the sink vanity the room was almost bare.

Sephiroth's first stop was the toilet. Surprisingly he must have been able to contain some water from the previous night and, by the way his parched mouth salivated at the sight of the sink's tap, his body must be in need of more. There was a little glass cup on the vnity and he had to fill it three times before his thirst felt somewhat satiated. The water was ice cold, probably drawn from a natural well that collected the melting ice from the mountains. It soothed Sephiroth's aching body, making him feel better instantly. Filling one last glass, it wasn't until Sephiroth was twisting off the faucet that he actually caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He nearly dropped dead at the sight.

His once glowing green eyes looked muted and and gray underneath sleepy eyelids, surrounded by some of the deepest, darkest circles that easily beat out those he sported during the Wutai War. His skin was pallid- probably due to the loss of blood and lack of hydration from the past couple days, and he was so cold. Sephiroth, in all of his years, couldn't remember this sort of coldness. It felt as if his inner flame, his ego and strength, had been snuffed out, leaving his body tired and defeated. It wasn't just a physical cold, but a deep freezing ice that ran through his veins and permeated his very mind. He just couldn't shake the feeling of weakness. Something was  _missing,_ but Sephiroth had no idea  _what._

Countless minutes passed as Sephiroth examined his reflection, looking for an answer to the wrongness he felt, wondering if his mirror self was truly the man he'd become. Lost in his musings he almost missed the only actual true physical change in his appearance. His pulse fluttered weakly, and his mouth dried up as bile rose in the back of his throat. His  _eyes._ What he must had missed in the haziness of exhaustion was an actual change of his eyes. They were still a brilliant green color, even if subdued by circumstances, but the slit pupils that had always caused his own skin to crawl were simple, ordinary  _circles._

_Like a human's._

What that meant, Sephiroth couldn't even begin to fathom.

* * *

Cloud was insane. He had acknowledged this fact on multiple occasions, this time certainly not being the first. Somehow, planet be praised or maybe it was just his own dumb luck, things always turned out OK for Cloud in the end. He may have to go through the most tragic, heartbreaking, vicious experiences ever conceived of by man or god alike, but in the end, shit just seemed to work out. Take for example this very morning:

Sephiroth, in his bed, sane and asleep.

Who would have seen that one coming? Not Cloud, not in a million years. Now, how that would work out for Cloud in the end was still being revealed, but if there was one thing Cloud was sure of, it was that this Sephiroth was not going to destroy the world, and it had nothing to do with Cloud killing him before he got the chance.

Although, if Cloud didn't have another stroke of luck sometime soon it was very well possible that something  _else_ could kill off Sephiroth, like his stab wound.

Cloud did not acknowledge that he just alluded to having found Sephiroth as being lucky.

What Cloud would acknowledge was that he had no desire to see Sephiroth die from something as simple and stupid as infection, so he needed to find a cure materia, and he needed to find it soon. Unfortunately, the few spots in Fenrir he used to hide away extra materia were empty. It was natural that as time passed by and the battle's for the planet's safety became fewer and farther between that Cloud would stop making sure he was totally prepared for the worst at every moment; but to not even have a cure with him? Simply put, that was just a complete lapse of good judgement. Now Sephiroth was without even a potion to help with the healing process, and the slow rate in which his wounds were recovering on their own was nothing like what Cloud-

The sound of a fist slamming against metal startled the birds out of a nearby tree, their song mercilessly cut short by a fuming Cloud. He shoved himself away from his bike, pacing back and forth beside it as his hands tugged at his blond spikes.  _Why am I suddenly so concerned with how much_ pain  _Sephiroth is in?_ Cloud didn't have an explanation for his feelings. All he knew was that something had changed in him last night, and that he was totally unprepared for any of this. Taking care of an injured man he was definitely not prepared for- taking care of  _Sephiroth?_ Cloud didn't think he'd have ever been prepared for that, but alas, here he was.

"What am I supposed to do!" Cloud directed his frustrations towards the sky. "Why is this happening…"

Nothing answered him, of course. But Cloud knew better than to think the planet wasn't listening. If there was anything Cloud was sure of, it was that the planet had something to do with this, and that it was most certainly paying attention.

One of the song birds he had scared away darted back into its tree, soon the rest of the group returned and took up their song as if never interrupted. Then, as abruptly as they had landed- a gray form darted out between Cloud and the birds, spooking them into flight once more. Cloud barely had time to look down and register what he'd seen before it disappeared behind the bend of the house and he had to dash after it. The form was fast, but silent, no dirt kicked up as it went tearing down the streets and through alleyways. Always just a little too far away to discern it's shape, and just a little to difficult to focus on, the form was more phantom than beast.  _Familiar, too._ Cloud's heart beat not from exertion, but from a sort of curious excitement which he could not explain.

As Cloud followed the shape out of an overgrown shaded alleyway and into the open, he had to blink his eyes before he was able to take in the scene before him. The shape wasn't a phantom or a beast- it was a  _wolf._  And it was standing in front of the former site of his childhood  _home_.

"Zack," Cloud stepped forward, a smile hesitant on his lips. He put his hand out like any stranger would do to a strange dog, but it was more from disbelief that it could be his friend than fear of frightening the creature. Zack didn't appear often, not as often as Aerith certainly, and even her visits were few and far between these days. If Zack was here, it was for something especially important.

The wolf lolled it's tongue at Cloud's peace offering, turning it's tail and bounding up the steps and into his old house. Well it wasn't technically his old house- that one had burned down. But, his home had never been anything special or unique, and the generic small town home that had been built in it's place was similar enough in style, and dilapidated enough in general, that his memories and reality had an easy time overlapping one another. Cloud knew he had to follow, but his steps were slow.

Inside, the house was eerily similar to how he had remembered his home. Whether it was a trick on his eyes, or if maybe he had somehow stepped into some parallel universe where things were not quite the same, Cloud wasn't sure he could tell. Everything held the same  _feel_ as his home- and he remembered there being a staircase here, and a small end table there. Cloud could have sworn his mom has pink curtains in the kitchen but these were gold. It was the simple details that were off that Cloud noticed. But they were small enough that he could almost just believe that this was where he had grown up.

A pattering of claws on hardwood drew Cloud up the steps and up to a door that would have led into his old bedroom- his hand paused on the handle. Feeling it's solid cold metal under his fingertips was grounding, allowing Cloud to take a couple deep breaths before swinging the door open.

Like the rest of the house, Cloud's stomach rolled at the familiarity of the room. Toys without discerning features, resembling things Cloud could vaguely recall from his early years, sat stoic on shelves. Posters hung on the wall with images that were more colors and shapes than actual pictures. And there in the middle of the floor the wolf sat, smile triumphant, it's wagging tail thumping onto a threadbare rug, standing guard over a tiny glowing ball of crystalized energy.

_Materia.._

Cloud bent down, his eyes never leaving the little orb. It hummed with the sort of fresh excited energy that only kids and dogs understood. As his fingers wrapped around the delicate sphere, he knew instantly that is was a cure- low level and young, yes, but a cure all the same. He could heal enough of Sephiroth's wound that infection wouldn't be a possibility, potentially heal it completely-

"Hey."

A smile spread across Cloud's features before he even looked up, "Zack."

The dark haired man sat crossed-legged on the rug before him, a grin to outmatch Cloud's smile splitting his face, "So, how do you like your gift?"

Cloud blinked in disbelief, "You call Sephiroth a gift?"

"I meant the materia, actually." The look in Zack's eyes was all mischievousness- "Consider it a gift from your mother- she wanted you to know she has been listening."

The materia vibrated warmly in his palm- it's energy running easily into his fingertips, eager to lend Cloud it's strength and abilities. Cloud couldn't help the tightening in his throat at the thought of his mother, still trying to help her son in some last way. This was more than a gift- the planet was directly interfering with life. Cloud was now certain that the planet was responsible for bringing Sephiroth back, otherwise why go through such a challenge to heal him?

"Zack, you have to tell me what's going on," the edge to his voice begged for a straight forward answer, he was at the end of his sanity trying to piece everything together and he  _knew_ Zack had answers.

"I know, kid- look…" Zack's expression held a look of trepidation "…Sephiroth was human, you know, mostly. He had Jenova cells and all of that but he had a human dad and human mom too. None of this was ever supposed to happen to him. The planet failed in destroying Jenova when it had the chance, it tried to hide her away where no one could find her but it knew, inevitably, that someone would… and that something like this could happen. It wasn't Sephiroth's fault." Zack paused for a breath, the leftover human gesture performed more out of habit rather than the need to actually breath.

"So the planet brought Sephiroth back to life for what- to apologize to him? Even at the threat of unleashing Jenova all over again?" Cloud was rather doubtful- he had far less faith in the conscious of the planet than he had all those years ago.

"There is something about Sephiroth that you may have begun to notice," Zack gazed at Cloud steadily, the bright light from the morning sun causing his form to silhouette against the backdrop of the bedroom window. "His slow healing, decreased senses, difficulty to see in the dark, lower pain tolerance… the planet was able to successfully  _remove_  the Jenova cells from Sephiroth's original body that died in the reactor."

"That's why he's weaker- he's human, completely…" Cloud whispered, disbelief and understanding both tying the strings together in his mind.

The sadness in his dead friend's voice was all his own, not the planet's nor the Cetras. It reached into Cloud's memories, awakening a nostalgia he couldn't quite place but held onto, "The planet healed him, but when it went to remove the Jenova cells from his body, they attacked him. Jenova burned the memories from all of the clones into Sephiroth's mind- Whatever sins his clones were guilty of he may as well have performed, the memories are reality to him. By that point there was nothing the planet could do but release him from the Lifestream." Zack was nearly whispering. The guilt the planet felt resonated in his words and tone, echoing in the deep baritones of his voice, like a thousand voids apologizing.

"But why send him to  _me_ Zack? Why did the planet do this  _now?_ " Cloud could maybe stretch his imagination far enough to believe that the planet felt guilt, and the mercy they showed Sephiroth when so many other souls just as damaged had passed through the Lifestream was impressive, but why send Sephiroth to Cloud? The person who hated Sephiroth the most, who had every reason in the world to kill him on the spot, without a second thought.

_I almost did._

"Cloud, you can't tell me you haven't figured it out yet?" Zack's voice was soft, warm, the gentleness nudging him closer to a deeper sort of speculation the entire morning had been trying to point him towards. Instead, he held Zack's gaze steadily. The light from the window cast his features in shadow, but Zack's words were clear, "Take care of him Cloud, if only for me." Like an overexposed photograph the light intensified, blowing out Zack's silhouette and setting the entire room aflame in bright morning glow. Cloud didn't look away from the spot where Zack sat, even when his eyes had to squint against the brightness, even when they spouted tiny tears from the strain, or maybe from something else.

When finally the light died down, Zack was gone.

* * *

Sometimes there was a woman in Sephiroth's dreams. He could remember her from when he was a child, back when his dreams were just dreams, before the emptiness and the nightmares of his grown years took over. She was in his nightmares too, but Sephiroth always knew there was something different about that version of her. The woman in his dream right then- she was definitely the one from his childhood. Her features where indiscernible, except for the faint smile pulling at thin lips and her long, long dark hair. It tickled his face as she leaned over him, and Sephiroth yearned desperately to to hear her voice. Something inside told him he knew just what it would sound like- clarity given to a soothing sound otherwise muffled by the depths of an ocean.

"Sephiroth!"

Suddenly the features above him sharpened into a vision of Cloud. Sephiroth blinked as the man yelled in his face, trying to decipher the words echoing in his ears. Cloud sounded so far away in stark contrast to his actual proximity and his hands were trembling as they gripped Sephiroth's shoulders, his expression frantic. Sephiroth wanted to tell Cloud that everything was OK, that this was just a dream, but his voice wouldn't work and his limbs wouldn't move. A slow panic started to bloom in his stomach. The nightmares were coming back.

_SLAP_

A bright light lit up Sephiroth's dream, and then a sharp stinging pain ripped him into wakefulness. Sephiroth gasped as his mind slammed back into his body.

"Sephiroth, what are you  _doing_?" Cloud was above him, blue eyes searching his face, his hands relentless in their desperate grip of his shoulders. His distress baffled Sephiroth, until he noticed the color of the water. Red. Like blood. His blood. Sephiroth panicked- scrambling up the side of the tub. His hands grasped the rim, leaving trails of reddish pink water to trickle down the pure white porcelain.

He was  _bleeding out_ in the fucking  _tub._ Cloud was there, steadying him as adrenaline nearly propelled him over the edge.

"Cloud- I" Sephiroth's voice died as his eyes settled on his wound- blood steadily leaked from the gash, the angry skin barely holding the stitches.

"Fuck." they cursed in unison.

Cloud reacted instantly, pressing his hand against the wound and reaching for a towel, while Sephiroth slowly started to come to terms with the fact that he was going to die yet again. He hardly had the strength to help Cloud drag him out of the tub, panic eating away at whatever energy he still held onto. When his feet hit the floor Sephiroth's knees nearly buckled- he was so weak. Blood loss caused his head to pound and his vision to swim and the world to feel like it was loosing it's gravitational pull. Thankfully Cloud was  _strong_ and when Sephiroth couldn't hold himself up any longer he was there holding him instead. And when the cool air reached his already clammy skin and the coldness overtook everything, Cloud's arms, hands, and chest were there burning like a fire around him. Sephiroth's face was turned into Cloud's shoulder, so it wasn't until he was being guided onto a couch that he was able to catch the other's expression- Grim, yet calm- controlled. Sephiroth sought comfort in that silent strength.

And then cold fire burst alive in his abdomen, threading through him like lightening. Cloud's right hand was pressed firmly onto his wound, a glowing blue light sending tiny rays dancing up between his fingers.

A cure materia. Cloud had a cure materia.

It was almost euphoric, having the pain finally taken away. The relief was so profound that he didn't fight a long, low, pathetic moan. His composure had been torn to shreds last night and he'd yet to recover- and this felt  _so good._  Sephiroth didn't even think twice as he reached down to grasp Cloud's wrist, helping to press the hand more firmly onto his stomach, afraid that at any moment the pain would wold be back. Cloud was focused, eyes on the work below him, intent on healing Sephiroth's wound as thoroughly and quickly as possible. Materia were only as good as the person who controlled them- and Cloud was _good_ , pulling levels out of the cure that it shouldn't be capable of. It bespoke the power he possessed, and Sephiroth squeezed his eyes shut, consumed.

Just when the pain seemed to have ebbing away completely, a shiver ripped up his spine and into his skull. The headache that had awoken when he had abandoned the tub throbbed in response. But Cloud was there, too- his free hand smoothing away damp hair from his forehead. When fingers traced over the arches of his eyebrows, Sephiroth nearly sobbed- the cooling sensation of the cure seeped into his skull. The pressure that had built itself into every nook and crevice came undone all at once, leaving him breathless. A distant part of him understood that the mako poisoning was increasing sensation, good and bad, exponentially, but Cloud's fingers were like heaven, seducing Sephiroth into giving up on the restraint that had become as instinctive as breathing.

"Cloud..." A deep hidden part of himself was surfacing, awakened by Cloud's touch and drunk off mako and materia- a part of him he had spent a lifetime suppressing.

Thoughts rebounded through Sephiroth's head: strings of words that suspiciously sounded like sentences but were muffled by the din of awareness. The gist of their meaning easy enough to understand- he knew this voice, the one that sounded like Hojo and explained to him over and over again that he was  _special_ and  _this is how it has to be_ and  _you are better than them._ Sephiroth was tired of listening.

Yet, the voice was right- he did have a responsibility to be better… He had a duty as a commander to  _protect-_ his people, his soldiers.  It has been his only purpose, the one of the few things that was _his._  Hojo had bred him to be the ultimate weapon, but Sephroth had built his legacy as a _hero_ …

Memories flooded Sephiroth's mind, visions to replace words. Sephiroth remembered the loneliness of his life at Shinra. Sephiroth remembered the pain of watching people live their lives all around him, while knowing that his life was not his to live but that was OK because he was  _special._ Sephiroth remembered when a creature that called herself his mother stole the last remaining bits of his control from him. Sephiroth remembered the relief of dying, but also the pain of even that release stolen from him. And scattered throughout those memories was Cloud. Cloud in the group of cadets being admitted to Shinra's military. Cloud on the truck out to Nibelheim. Cloud throwing him into the mako reactor. Cloud killing him in the crater. Cloud defeating him during the Reunion. Cloud siding a blade into his stomach just days earlier….

Sephiroth also remembered Cloud bandaging his wounds. Cloud holding him as he cried. Cloud's almost kiss. The grip Sephiorth had on Cloud tightened, a tremble just barely perceptible in the twitch of fingers.

Sephiroth knew what he wanted. He knew it and at the same time he wanted to push it far away and deep and gone and forget everything about it. He wanted Cloud to be that awkward cadet that shied away from his presence, not the man above him who had utterly, completely, totally destroyed his foundations, stripped him down to his core and then forced him to look at what he found there. He wanted Cloud to disappear and he wanted Cloud to help him. He wanted Cloud to just let him die and he wanted Cloud to show him how to live.

Sephiroth wanted Cloud to kiss him, but that thought was fleeting and painful and made him close his eyes because he was most definitely  _staring_ at Cloud now and by the way Cloud was staring back Sephiroth was afraid that the other man could read his thoughts…

A thumb smoothed over Sephiroth's eyebrow, then moved to swipe under along his lower eyelashes, wiping away at the moisture collecting there. "Your eyes, Sephiroth, open them" Cloud's voice was a murmur.

Sephiroth froze, wanting to breath but finding it impossible- the tension that had twisted up his chest tightened it's grip. Cautiously, Sephiroth lifted his gaze back to meet Cloud's.

"Your pupils," Cloud moved closer, his surprise evident and his face so close that Sephiroth could feel breath ghosting over his lips, "they're normal."

Sephiroth opened his mouth to respond but all that came out was a ragged exhale that sounded more like a sob. Cloud was cupping Sephiroth's cheek now, holding his face steady as blue eyes searched green. So close…so close that Sephiroth was sure Cloud could read the panic and longing just as easily as he could see the deformation of his pupils. So close Sephiroth could smell him, almost taste him… So close all he wanted to do was lean into Cloud and let himself become overwhelmed by it all... "What's wrong with me," thoughts turned to words and he couldn't keep the tremble out of his voice. So close…so close…

Cloud seemed taken aback by the question: his eyebrows lifted and his mouth parted, hesitating, and then puffed out a laugh. "There is nothing wrong with being normal." The warmth and the smile behind hiss eyes made Sephiroth hurt even more deeply and want him more desperately. It was so wrong. Why did he have to feel like this. Why did Cloud have to be so, so close…

And he was getting closer.

So close…

Sephiroth closed his eyes.

* * *

Cloud wanted Sephiroth. He had wanted him his entire life, in one form or another, but at this moment? Cloud wanted Sephiroth in a way that surprised even him.

Well, maybe it wasn't that surprising. There had always been deeper undercurrents to the feelings he had for Sephiroth. Not love, not lust, but a sadness and sympathy that Cloud felt drove him just as much as the need to save a world he didn't even really like- A desire to release Sephiroth from the pain he understood all too well, maybe, but concealed by the excuse of destroying a madman. That seemed like so long ago, though, what were merely years felt more like lifetimes.

The man beneath him was a husk of the Sephiroth Cloud remembered, the confidence and power Cloud recalled manifesting rather as stubbornness and a deep, deep pain that permeated everything about him. Cloud wanted to heal him, not just physically but mentally and emotionally, because Cloud knew how difficult it was to get a second chance and how no one should have to go through it alone. Yet, if someone had told Cloud he'd find himself in this position he never would have expected his reaction to be this. Sephiroth was the enemy, hunting him down had been easy on his conscious if only because the black was so black and the white so brilliant and bright and right. Had there been a way to save Sephiroth back then? Could he somehow have prevented everything by just understanding that Sephiroth was a man and not the infallible weapon Shinra wanted them to believe? No… because Zack had understood, and even he hadn't been able to save Sephiroth.

Zack's words rang in his head, he had been hinting towards something this morning that Cloud didn't want to confront. Now it was staring at Cloud, plain and simple and so obvious, and it made so much fucking sense. Cloud wanted Sephiroth. In every way possible. In every way a man could want another. There weren't even enough words to describe everything Cloud wanted: he wanted to break Sephiroth down so he could help rebuild him, he wanted to hunt down and destroy every last demon that haunted him so he could finally tell him everything was OK, he really wanted to kiss him, to feel him unravel beneath his touch.

Cloud thought he may be able to get away with that one, what with the way Sephiroth was looking at him, the tremble in his voice, and the death grip he had on Cloud's hand…

Gaia, he wanted him so badly.

Leaning closer, Cloud watched Sephiroth's eyes fall closed- in apprehension? In fear? Sephiroth wasn't breathing. Cloud didn't even know if the world was still spinning. He shifted even closer, angled his head slightly, slipped his hand past Sephiroth's ear to tangle his fingers in damp silver hair… Their lips were only millimeters apart now, a breath between them but neither of them were breathing.

Cloud reveled in this in-between moment, savoring the stillness and the quiet and the twist in his gut that he could only identify as excited anticipation.

And then the last bit of distance was closed and Cloud's lips met Sephiroth's.

It was a small kiss- a gentle press, warm and soft and questioning. Sephiroth's lips were an unmoving steady pressure against Cloud- not unwelcoming but unresponsive. Still bold, Cloud dragged his lips lightly across Sephiroth's, barely touching before pressing back into the kiss. The grip on his wrist tightened almost imperceptibly as Sephiroth lifted a hand to Cloud's chest and for a moment Cloud thought he had made a mistake, read the signals all wrong- sure that the hand on his chest was Sephiroth resisting. Cloud pulled back the tiniest amount, just enough for their lips to part. The last thing he wanted was to scare Sephiroth off. But Sephiroth followed- moving towards Cloud, not quite kissing him but closing the distance all the same. A small smile pulled at the corners of Clouds mouth as his heart leapt into his throat:  _He wants this too._  By gods Sephiroth wanted this and he was arching up into Cloud now, still not quite kissing but he realized it was probably because Sephiroth didn't know  _what to do_  and something in that made Cloud's heart ache a little bit. Did Sephiroth really manage to go his entire life without ever kissing someone? Was that really possible? Using the hand tangled in Sephiroth's hair to angle his head just right, Cloud deepened their kiss. If Sephiroth didn't know what to do he would show him.

Their breath mingled in the slow easiness of the kiss. Through parted lips Cloud drank in every exhale Sephiroth shakily expelled, savoring every sensation and minute detail. But Sephiroth's breathing was erratic and it betrayed his nerves. Freeing his hand from Sephiroth's grip, Cloud instead reached up to cup Sephiroth's face with both hands, stroking his cheekbones with his thumbs. "It's OK," Cloud whispered- "Just relax," sinking back down into their kiss as Sephiroth moaned into his mouth. Rather than being calmed, Cloud's words instead provoked Sephiroth: suddenly he was reaching up and clutching at Cloud's shoulder, unconsciously squeezing the muscles underneath in concentration as he mimicked Cloud's movements with a growing sense of confidence. Feeling Sephiroth start to respond fueled Cloud- so when he finally let his tongue out to lap at Sephiroth's lips, the last thing Cloud expected was for the man to freeze up.

Everything stopped. Sephiroth's mouth sealed while the hand on Cloud's shoulder squeezed so hard it was _painful_. Panic bloomed unhindered in Cloud's stomach. He must have crossed some invisible line and now Sephiroth was going to end everything right there, right then.  _Any moment_ … Sephiroth simply lay frozen.

"Sephiroth," Cloud murmured against the man beneath him, not even hiding the desperation in his voice. He took a chance, nipping lightly at Sephiroth's lower lip, continuing the gentle press of his tongue into his mouth.  _Please trust me._  When Sephiroth's lips finally parted, Cloud's head spun and he didn't hesitate slipping into the hot mouth beneath him.

They met, tongue against tongue- Cloud's swirling gentle circles around Sephiroth's before touching the tips together. It was like kissing heaven. Sephiroth's mouth was alive and inviting and Cloud surrounded himself in the intimacy of it all _._  Cloud never thought he could feel this way just from  _kissing_ someone. It was sending waves of electricity surging up and down his body, throwing him into an intense heady high that he found hard to contain. Almost overwhelmed, Cloud pulled away to gather himself together, drawing in a breath and panting it out over Sephiroth's lips, then another, and another. Suddenly Sephiroth was  _pushing_  up into him, pressing trembling lips against Cloud's, a low moan asking for more.

_Fuck._

Forgetting his restraint- Cloud gripped Sephiroth's hair none-too-gently and dove down into the kiss. Their tongues slid against one another, Cloud's calm control chasing away Sephiroth's hesitancy. Every emotion he felt he tried to convey in that kiss. All the want and desire and lust and affection he could describe. Cloud moved along the ridged line of Sephiroth's teeth, teasing the other man's tongue out of his mouth and into Cloud's own. Once again timid, Sephiroth experimentally swept inside while the hand on Cloud's shoulder moved behind his neck. Sephiroth was trying to pull Cloud down closer to him- and Cloud happily complied. They pressed together- Cloud shifting forward even further over Sephiroth, pushing him back into the cushion and moving a hand to brace himself against the arm rest. Once again Sephiroth slipped past Cloud's teeth. This time Cloud bit down gently, capturing Sephiroth's tongue and sucking the tip further into his mouth. Sephiroth let out the tiniest sound of surprise, and it reverberated throughout Cloud's body, making the ends of his fingers tingle and pulling a moan from deep within his chest.

The kiss lost control of itself at that point as both Cloud and and Sephiroth pressed hungrily into one another. Sephiroth clutched desperately at Cloud's hair, twisting his fingers through the spikes while the hand on Cloud's chest tangled in the collar of his vest while Cloud devoured Sephiroth's mouth- it felt so good, and Sephiroth was so fucking responsive…he just couldn't believe it. Each little breath and gasp he could feel Sephiroth take, every shift of his body, every shiver and tremble and the pounding of his pulse Cloud was completely attuned to.

It was too much, too fast.

With a final sweep through Sephiroth's mouth Cloud grasped the hair at the back of Sephiroth's head and gave a rough yank, pulling their lips apart but exposing the long column of Sephiroth's neck to Cloud's now free mouth. His breath was ragged, and as Cloud dipped his head to run his tongue and teeth down the artery in Sephiroth's neck it took every ounce of will power to not go back to the kiss. If he kept kissing Sephiroth he didn't know if he could stop. As much as he wanted this Sephiroth was still weak, hardly fully healed, and delirious from blood loss and all of the mako in his system. Cloud already felt twangs of guilt in his stomach for even pushing the man this far. But the way Sephiroth was arching up into him, his head thrown back and his fist still twisted tight in Cloud's vest…it would be so easy to just keep going…

Instead, Cloud pressed his lips to the pulse point where Sephiroth's neck and collarbone met, his frustration manifesting in sharp bites and a hot tongue. Sephiroth muffled his cry by burying his face in Cloud's hair, the hand he had tangled in the blond spikes squeezing so hard Cloud was afraid he'd rip his hair out.  _Planet he's strong._  Moving back up Sephiroth's neck, Cloud stopped a moment to place another bite at the pulse point behind Sephiroth's jaw before pressing his mouth heavy against his ear.

"We have to stop," the words came out rough, and Cloud flushed at hearing the husky tone of his own voice, "Sephiroth…"

* * *

Cloud's words snapped Sephiroth out of his lust driven haze, bringing him spiraling back into the present moment of being pinned to the couch. Panic spread through his veins as the weight of the situation fell fully upon him. Cloud had kissed him. He had kissed _back_. But wasn't that what he wanted?  _Oh gods, yes…_ but the old part of Sephiroth, the part of him that shied away from human contact and friendships and general social interaction just wasn't dealing with that knowledge well. Not as well as his body, which was asking why they had stopped and when were they going to finish. Sephiroth, having nowhere else to go, pressed his face into the crook of Cloud's neck and shoulder and focused on calming his breath.

"Sephiroth…" Clouds words weren't a question, so Sephiroth didn't respond, he just closed his eyes and slowly untangled his hands from where they still clutched at Cloud.

Eventually, without the restraint of Sephiroth's hands, Cloud pulled away. Not completely, but enough that he could look down at him. "Sephiroth," Cloud repeated- his voice low and soft and soothing but with an underlying hesitancy. It was then that Sephiroth realized that Cloud was probably feeling the same things he was, and that it wasn't just him who was distraught over what was forming between them. Sephiroth opened his eyes and met Cloud's gaze. What he saw reflected everything he had hoped to see and was afraid to confront.

Cloud's hand still cupped Sephiroth's cheek, and his thumb was back to smoothing over his eyebrows. It was almost…cute…watching Cloud try to come up with something to say: his mouth opened and closed and frowned and his eyes were focused so intensely on Sephiroth's that if he were capable of it he may have felt self-conscious. Turning his face ever-so-slightly into Cloud's hand and dropping his eyes, Sephiroth broke the silence the only way he knew how, by changing the subject, "…you found a cure materia?"

The relief that flooded Cloud's features was almost humorous- almost. If Sephiroth weren't feeling such a similar emotion he probably would have been more amused. But Cloud refused to tell him his story, not yet. Not when there was a bathtub full of blood and a wet man laid out naked on his couch. Cloud reluctantly stood up, his hand lingering on Sephiroth's cheek, their last point of contact, but then that too was gone. Sephiroth didn't have the strength to suppress the pang of loss that brought, but his eyes were back on Cloud and he watched him move about the small room.

After checking that Sephiroth's stomach wound was in fact healed, the first thing Cloud did was cover him with a blanket- maybe for modesty's sake since all he had was a towel. Sephiroth accepted the softness and warmth that the blanket offered, because he still wasn't feeling all that well and the main room was colder than the bedroom, with or without wet hair. Plus, it smelled vaguely of Cloud.

When Cloud left the room to drain the tub, Sephiroth took that opportunity to rest his eyes. He didn't mean to fall asleep, not when he knew Cloud had a story to tell him about the materia, and then there was the subject of his deformation…but then again Sephiroth hadn't meant to fall asleep when he was in the bathtub either and look where that got him.

* * *

Cloud didn't notice Sephiroth start to stir until he had lunch heating on the stove. Sephiroth had slept through every meal thus far, so Cloud imagined that the smell of soup was making Sephiroth dream of food. He'd been asleep for only about an hour but Cloud was hungry and anxious to  _talk_ …and a little apprehensive too…what with the kiss and the kissing and all of that.

Cleaning out the bathtub had been as easy as just turning on the shower spray and letting everything run down the drain. It hadn't taken more than a few minutes, but when Cloud had returned to the main room Sephiroth had been out, completely and totally. That was OK with Cloud because it gave him time to get his thoughts straight. So he'd kissed Sephiroth, and Sephiroth…had kissed him back. That was good. So good Cloud still was trying to wrap his head completely around the truth of it. But then there was the bad: their fucked up history…their fast track from not killing one another, which a few days ago was a huge step forward, to making-out like a pair of lust driven teenagers…and of course the fact that Cloud's normal few weeks visit to Nibelheim was nearing it's end and  _people_ were going to be expecting to hear from him again. So he had to get this figured out soon. Before someone came looking for him and found Sephiroth instead.

What the fuck was he going to do.

Problems are best solved one at a time, so Cloud had focused on the small simple things like lunch and finding clothes that would fit Sephiroth. Although Cloud had grown into his boyish body, Sephiroth was still, well  _Sephiroth_. Nothing Cloud owned would fit the former General adequately. Nibelheim came to his rescue once more, almost predictably. Years before Cloud had found a cache of Shinra military equipment hidden in the bowls of the reactor- it contained food rations, some weapons, and light armor and fatigues. They were just simple black pants and the ribbed shirts he remembered from his days in Shinra but the material was good and warm and Cloud had the foresight to consider their future usefulness. He'd brought the cache back to Nibelheim and it had been sitting outside his doorstep unopened since. Now, Cloud found himself digging through the contents. There were a paint of pants and a shirt that would definitely fit Sephiroth, and the combat boots  _might_ be OK but if not there were actually, of all things, a ton of shoes left behind by Nibelheim's former populace that they could choose from.

Cloud left the clothes on the table beside the couch so Sephiroth would see them when he woke up and proceeded to make lunch.

When Sephiroth did finally wake up Cloud angled his body away from the couch, trying to hide the fact that he'd been staring. Instead Cloud watched from the corner of his eye. Sephiroth seemed a little thrown off when he awoke, rubbing at his face with the hand that wasn't still holding the blanket around him. Cloud felt another pang of guilt and wondered if Sephiroth were still in pain in some way- maybe his headache had come back? But rather than ask if everything was OK, Cloud just continued to silently observe.

After a few more moments of rubbing Sephiroth's hand dropped into his lap. He was just sort of staring at his open palm blankly, so Cloud knew he was actually probably thinking about their kiss and that made his stomach give a tiny flip. Were they good thoughts? Bad? The blood in Cloud's head pounded just a little bit as his pulse fluttered- his own mind now focusing entirely on earlier. Getting lost in the memory of the kiss was like a drug. Everything was so fresh and real in his brain still no matter how unbelievable it felt. Cloud went from being confident with his decision to being downright terrified that he'd ruined whatever was forming between them. He'd been doing that for the past hour, and it was part of why he was so anxious for Sephiroth to wake, because he needed some sort of reassurance that he hadn't just royally fucked everything up.

Of course, it would figure that Cloud would entirely miss out on seeing Sephiroth change into clothes right in the middle of his home because he was lost in his own head. Although, honestly, for all of Cloud's bravery…he probably would have turned away anyways. There was a difference between seeing an injured person naked and watching someone you desired dress. Just like there was a huge difference between dragging around an injured Sephiroth and having a fully-healed Sephiroth walking across the room towards you, tall and elegant and purposeful and just like the Sephiroth from his memories.  _Fuck._ Soup splashed onto the burner as Cloud gave a particularly powerful stir to the pot.

The edge of the kitchen stopped Sephiroth like it was some vast desert he was contemplating crossing, but his gaze was focused on a point below Cloud's eyes…maybe his lips?  _Oh god…_  Sephiroth was definitely thinking about the kiss.

They stayed like that for some time, Cloud watching out of the corner of his eye while Sephiroth hovered just feet away. Neither knew who should say what first, but instead of an awkward silence hanging about them it was an increasing tension, like the moment was building up to something important. When Cloud noticed Sephiroth start to sway, he almost didn't think anything of it, but suddenly Sephiroth was reaching out for the wall and his body was tilting sideways and Cloud was moving- in an instant he had his arm wrapped around Sephiroth's waist, his other hand pressing firmly into his stomach where his wound had been, guiding Sephiroth back to the couch.

"Just sit here, you probably shouldn't move just yet," Cloud's hands lingered, loving any excuse to  _touch_ him.  _I'm touching Sephiroth_ \- Cloud's brain sounded like some ridiculous child complete with smiley faces and fireworks.

"Cloud." Sephiroth said his name with a forcefulness that seemed out of place. His eyes, bright and piercing and glowing again, burned into Cloud, but Sephiroth didn't say anything else…he just stared up at Cloud. Cloud could tell that there were things that Sephiroth was trying to put words to. The frustration of not being able to communicate what he wanted to was written all over hiss face.  _Gaia, can I kiss him again?_

Cloud slipped away with a small smile, thinking maybe Sephiroth would be able to think better once he ate something, and that Cloud should probably remove himself from Sephiroth's personal space before he  _did_ start kissing him again.

When Cloud returned to the couch it was with two bowls of steaming hot soup. They ate in silence. Even though Cloud's anxiety had assaulted him with worry while Sephiroth had slept, now that he was awake Cloud found himself calming in the mutual peace they shared. By nature Cloud was a quiet person, never really saying a lot unless he had to. Sephiroth didn't bombard him with questions or try to force him into conversation or rile him up with teasing, he just sat there in mutual silence, an understanding reached without speaking a single word.

* * *

Sephiroth devoured his bowl of soup. His hunger had crept up on him, and it was only from the growling that his stomach started to make when he ate his first bite that Sephiroth realized how long it had been since he ate something. Years, if he wanted to get technical. The first meal that Sephiroth had in years was a simple bowl of vegetable soup. It was the best meal of his life.

But Sephiroth knew that when his bowl was empty and his stomach was full that there was going to be a  _talk._

When Sephiroth finished he stared at the little remaining bits of seasoning and broth that clung to the bottom of his bowl. A minute or two passed and then Cloud too was finished and collecting the dish from his hands to place on the table beside the couch. And this was it, this was what Sephiroth had both been hoping to avoid and in some bizarre way looking forward to. They looked at one another, Sephiroth gazing up from under hooded eyes, his head turned towards his lap.

"How do you feel?"

"Something is wrong with me."

They broke the silence at the same time.

Sephiroth bristled at how pathetic he probably sounded. But Cloud's question was an easy one, at least. "Better, still…weak, but better…" Sephiroth paused before taking in a deep breath, "My wound has healed but I don't feel entirely…right…inside." Sephiroth looked up at Cloud as the words left his mouth, "It feels like something is wrong."

The reaction Sephiroth expected from Cloud was not the small smile that spread across his face. Cloud's smile made his eyes crinkle up at the corners, causing the little lines of wear to catch the light and making him look older. And then all the questions Sephiroth had wanted to ask came flooding back into his mind and suddenly he couldn't wait to have this conversation because there was so much he didn't understand. His memories were broken fragments of a larger story that Cloud had lived, and all the answers he wanted Cloud had.

Before Sephiroth could ask anything, though, Cloud was speaking, "I think I may have an explanation for why you feel different…and maybe why your-" Cloud gestured at his face, "-pupils are normal." Sephiroth didn't say a single word as Cloud went into his story from the morning, starting with the dog he chased across town and ending with  _Zack's_  appearance to him.  _Zach._   _Oh god, Zack._ He couldn't even wrap his mind around what Cloud had said about Jenova cells, all he could focus on was Zack.

"I killed him, didn't I," Sephiroth's voice was hardly a whisper.

Cloud was beside him instantly- his hand turning his face so that Sephiroth had no choice but to meet his eyes. "You did  _not_ kill Zack. Zack died protecting me. But you did  _not_ kill Zack, Sephiroth."

Sephiroth just sort of gazed through Cloud, memories replaying in his head. He saw himself fighting Zack, his only friend. It was Jenova he should be blaming but it was his body and his Masamune that he saw cutting his friend down. "I killed a lot of people, Cloud." Sephiroth closed his eyes and turned his face into Cloud's hand. The shame he felt had no relief but Cloud's hand was solid and warm against his cheek.

"I know you won't understand when I tell you it wasn't you fault," Cloud intoned softly, "But you'll realize one day that most of those memories you have aren't yours at all, they're from clones that Jenova controlled  _after_ you died. Clones that she controlled just like how she controlled  _you._ "

"But I should have stopped her, I should have been strong enough to fight her," Sephiroth refused to cry again but he couldn't entirely control the trembling in his voice. "When I discovered the truth I didn't even  _care_  anymore, I didn't care about this town or Zack or...or you…or anyone else. I let my emotions consume me and then I don't think I wanted to stop her after that. " Sephiroth clenched his hands into fist, watching as the clearest of his memories played in his head. Watching as Nibelheim burned.

And suddenly Sephiroth felt Cloud wrapping his arms around his shoulders and a hand pressing his head into a warm neck. Sephiroth breathed in deeply, finding comfort in Cloud's embrace, wondering why he was being given any of this, "How long has it been?" he whispered into the fabric of Cloud's vest.

"Ten years…it's been ten years since Nibelheim burned," Cloud's arms tightened around him, letting the information sink in. "Shinra is gone, now, for the most part…and Hojo is dead. You're a free man, Sephiroth."

The information should have been comforting to Sephiroth, but instead he was doing math in his head, understanding for the first time why Cloud seemed so  _old_ \- ten _years had passed._  That would make Cloud…twenty five? Twenty six? Sephiroth knew Cloud had been young for a recruit, but that would mean they were about the same age now, if Sephiroth could even say he  _had_  an age. He had been twenty five when he'd gone to Nibelheim, ten years ago. He had burned Nibelheim down ten years ago.

"Jenova…she can't come back?" Sephiroth's voice broke as he asked this question. The question that had haunted him ever since he'd awoken in the reactor. The darkest part of his subconscious was rising- the fear that one day he could snap again and everything would come falling down around him once more. The fear that at any moment Jenova could be in his mind, taking him back, enslaving him to her will all over again.

"No, she's gone too. She's not coming back," Cloud pressed his lips into Sephiroth's temple, whispering the words into his ear, "I promise."

They stayed like that, together, sharing their silence with one another. Every so often Sephiroth would ask a question and Cloud would answer the best that he could, but eventually all that was heard was the sound of their breath and the quiet of a ghost town.


	3. Part III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note 1: Congratulations, you're the winner, your prize is 4300 words of smut, that's 10 pages in size 12 helevtica, 4300 words out of 12700- which means 1/3 of this story is smut. That is ridiculous. I hope you enjoy?

**Ghosts - Part III**  

The morning sun was just cresting over the rooftops of Nibelheim. It cast a cool shadow over Cloud's sweat-stained back as he stepped forward into a low lunge.  _Inhale-_ First Tsurugi swung out in an arc beside him, the metal edge just tracing the dirt as the blade rolled in his grip.  _Exhale_ \- Cloud sunk back onto his heel, one leg stretched out in front of him, his sword hovering over his shoulder for a moment before his inhale drew him forward into another deeper lunge.

Focused and intent, Cloud moved through his sword forms. Almost mindlessly he fell into the poses. His body had long ago committed the movements to memory, allowing his thoughts to instead ease in and out of the fluid consciousness of his mind: thoughts of the warming sun, of the cold breeze coming down off the mountains, of the tinkling sound from his wind chimes.

But mostly, thoughts of Sephiroth.

In his mind Cloud saw Sephiroth beneath him, spread out with his hair astray and cheeks lightly flushed, sweat beading across his brow and chest. That thought gave Cloud pause, his exhale just slightly ragged from something that wasn't exhaustion. These sorts of daydreams were becoming more frequent since their kiss. For days now, Cloud had been fighting back images of a disheveled sex-stained Sephiroth from taking over his mind. It was almost difficult to look at the man and not see him back on that couch, lips swollen from kissing, body flushed in pleasure…

With an exhale Cloud brought First Tsurugi up in a high block, casting that train of thought out his mind along with his breath.

Cloud supposed he could blame his brain's illicit behavior on the fact that Sephiroth had been somewhat…lethargic? Cold? Distracted? It was hard for Cloud to place exactly what was wrong with the other man except that Sephiroth had basically stopped  _living_. Honestly, Cloud had thought that things would be improving with him, what with Sephiroth's reaction to Cloud's kiss and the heartfelt conversation that had ensued.

Instead, Sephiroth had become increasingly more distant with each passing day.

His silence had not been surprising, not in the least- that just seemed to be who Sephiroth was: he never wasted words. So, it wasn't the lack of conversation that bothered Cloud. It was the blank stare out the window from his seat in the armchair that had gotten to him. For Sephiroth had made it clear he was content to spend the entirety of his days sitting stoically in the big overstuffed seat, gazing out the living room window, his breathing so even and shallow that it was almost as if he wasn't even  _alive_.

Cloud intelligently could understand the man's need to just have the time to think- but Cloud also knew how dangerous it was to  _over_  think things. And Cloud knew how much, looking back, he had wished someone had been there to snap him out of the prison of his thoughts. Eventually, Cloud's friends did just that, but not after he had managed to drive himself into the darkest recesses of his mind. Cloud knew he should do the same for Sephiroth. He knew he  _could_. He  _wanted to._  But he didn't know how to approach him. Sephiroth just looked so…ominous…sitting there. The few times Cloud had tried to bring his attention to something other than the view out the window Sephiroth had just sort of dismissed him. Not vindictively or out of spite, but he honestly just seemed so  _blank_  that Cloud wasn't even sure if half the time he was hearing the words Cloud spoke.

When Cloud had showed Sephiroth the bookcase he had seen a spark in his eyes. For a moment Cloud had thought he'd finally found something that interested the other man enough to pull him from his reverie with the window. Sephiroth had picked out one of the smaller novels from the shelf, an obscure title Cloud had never even noticed, and settled in the cushions of his chair to read. It wasn't until a few hours later that Cloud's curiosity got the better of him and he passed behind Sephiroth and saw that the man was still on the title page and had never even  _started_ \- back once again to the silent vigil he held with the window.

 _Exhale,_ Cloud swung his sword out in front of him, his shoulders pivoting with the motion as he let the force twist his body around.

Except for last night. Except for that fleeting moment when Sephiroth had seemed just as alive as ever, when Cloud had awoken in the middle of the night and found the man watching him from the bathroom doorway, the mako glow of his eyes saying more than all of the words from the past few days combined. Without thinking Cloud had climbed out of bed to meet Sephiroth, stepping across the cold hardwood floor so that he stood right in front of the other man, not touching, just waiting and watching and giving Sephiroth the opportunity to act first.

They stood gazing at one another. Inches separated them, but the space seemed vast in comparison to their actual proximity, because all Cloud could think of was their kiss, and all Cloud wanted was that again and more… He wanted to make love to Sephiroth, he wanted to push him against the wall and take him right there, he wanted to break through the thoughts haunting the other man and give him something good to focus on, he wanted to tell him that the past was done and he had a  _future_  and if he wanted Cloud would be willing to help him find it…

Cloud was still a little bit taken aback by his own change of heart. But the clarity his emotions brought him was undeniable, the kiss and Zack's hinting having opened Cloud's mind up to what he hadn't realized he'd ever been missing. He was  _excited_  to have these feelings for Sephiroth. The fact that everything now made so much sense to him caused Sephiroth's distance to hurt more than it should.

So when Sephiroth had suddenly slipped past Cloud, he knew he shouldn't be surprised. He knew that he was in a place that was ready for this while Sephiroth was still recovering, still hurting, still figuring things out…but even so Cloud couldn't deny that it  _hurt._

Unfortunately, last night had done nothing to satiate the desire Cloud had for the other man. The intensity in Sephiroth's eyes echoed what Cloud had felt from him during their kiss- so he  _knew_  Sephiroth was still thinking about what had passed between them. Hell, for all Cloud knew, maybe that was what Sephiroth was spending all of his time brooding over…

_Beep- Beep- Beep-_

The sound of a PHS brought Cloud's thoughts and body to an abrupt halt. He stared over his shoulder at Fenrir, hearing the ring but not quite wanting to answer the call. Under normal circumstances he would have been on his way back to Midgar by now- so it wasn't so abnormal to be getting a call from Tifa or Barret or someone back home, but Cloud didn't really want to have to deal with explaining this all to them. Not yet- not when he wasn't even sure what the fuck was going to happen now that Sephiroth was back.

_Beep- Beep- Beep-_

Cloud dug through Fenrir's bags until he found the PHS, and with a deep breath pressed his thumb into the receiver, "Cloud here."

"Cloud-" the voice coming through the speaker was low and smooth, "it's Vincent."

 _Vincent?_ Cloud hadn't heard from Vincent in months, the last he knew him and Cid were heading off for some 'adventure'- what reason would he have to call? "Hey Vincent, is everything with you and Cid OK?"

"Yes, yes," Vincent paused, but Cloud could hear the muffled gruff voice of Cid in the background going on about something- "Cid gives his…regards."

Cloud suppressed a laugh, guessing that what Cid had actually said was probably less formal and rather more offensive, "Tell him I said hello," Cloud couldn't keep the smile out of his voice, "What's going on?"

"Tifa told us you were in Nibelheim. We will be passing by there in a few days and wondered if you would want a lift home," Vincent's voice was easy and relaxed, friendly and inviting and for a moment Cloud wanted nothing more than to accept his friend's offer and spend a few days enjoying the camaraderie. It pained Cloud to think that he could be jeopardizing his friendships for the sake of Sephiroth. But then it also pained Cloud to think of Sephiroth alone, so he was just going to have to make sure everyone got along.  _Just not today, or or any time soon…_ Cloud swallowed.

"'I think I'm actually going to spend another week or so out here- the weather has been really beautiful, and the solitude has been a nice change from Edge," Cloud hoped that his words sounded more friendly than dismissive.

The voice on the other line was silent for just a heartbeat longer than what made Cloud comfortable, "Are you sure you do not want some company?" Vincent didn't sound  _suspicious_ , but then the man had been a Turk so Cloud very well could have spilled all his secrets by inflection alone.

"I'll be fine- are you guys going to be in Edge for a while?" When Vincent acknowledged that yes, he and Cid were going to be staying at Seventh Heaven for a couple weeks at least while The Highwind went through some maintenance, Cloud promised he would make it back in time to catch up with the two. They bid their farewells and Cloud put the PHS away. The easy chat had lightened his mood somewhat, so when he turned back to continue practicing his forms a brisk energy sparked his steps. Then Cloud saw Sephiroth hovering on the covered porch, watching him, eyes unblinking, the porches' awning casting it's shadow across his face and shoulders. Cloud's steps snapped to an abrupt halt.

And then, when Sephiroth  _spoke_ for the first time in  _days_  Cloud nearly fell over. "Your friends are looking for you." Cloud couldn't tell if Sephiroth was asking a question or just making a statement- either way, the man hadn't hardly said a word and now Cloud was getting a full sentence out of him?

"No- I mean, they're just making sure I'm OK," if Sephiroth had overhead the entire conversation there was nothing Cloud could say to convince him that his friends weren't concerned about his whereabouts. After all, they had all forgotten about Nibelheim. He was the only one making these yearly treks out to the middle of nowhere, and Cloud could understand how his inability to move on could cause them some apprehension.

The look on Sephiroth's face was carefully composed, not an ounce of emotion showing through the calm hooded gaze- though his voice…it was his voice that betrayed the emotions his face did so well to hide, "You should go with them." Sephiroth shifted back further into the shadow of the awning, towards the door and that dark old room…

Cloud jumped forward, taking the stairs by twos and grabbing Sephiroth's elbow as the other man was turning to head back into the house. "Wait-" Sephiroth was frozen by Cloud's touch, staring at the hand on his arm with a hard expression. "-Sephiroth, I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not leaving you here."

"Nibelheim is a ghost town," Sephiroth's voice was a controlled monotonous echo of a thought well brooding over, each perfectly enunciated syllable falling from his tongue with practiced ease, "I would not be discovered for some time, and already you have shown how a man could make a living here."

"No," Cloud didn't even give the statement a thought, it was out of the question, "just- no, I'm not leaving you here." He shook his head in disbelief, letting his hand squeeze Sephiroth's elbow a little more tightly, "this is not a life, this is not living." Saying those words out loud was the equivalent of a veil being lifted from Cloud's eyes- a new understanding given to the concern his friends showed over his presence in Nibelheim. Shame caused him look away, hoping that what he felt in his heart didn't make it to his eyes.

Sephiroth's silence pervaded the moment. His body utterly still within his grip. When Cloud glanced up he noticed the hard look had passed from Sephiroth's face, and instead that listless empty gaze was back, focused on something over Cloud's shoulder. Following that line of sight brought Cloud to the horizon, where in the near distance looming over the rooftops of Nibelheim was a sight that dropped Cloud's throat into his stomach. How had he missed this, how had he been so oblivious?

For days now Sephiroth had been staring at the dark steepled rise of Shinra Mansion.

* * *

Sephiroth didn't know what to do. Not the slightest idea. For the first time in his life, he was without a purpose, a mission, an order, and he had absolutely no idea what to do with himself.

So he had taken to what he did best (besides killing), and that was thinking. Sephiroth's childhood had been a long and lonely life in a hospital laboratory- he had gotten ridiculously good at escaping into his thoughts. And when he had noticed Shinra Mansion rising above the roof and treetops of Nibelheim, Sephiroth's thoughts had turned towards his last real memories- those last few days before he died in the reactor, all those books and notes and words and numbers that had melted into a collage of information- an overload of horror that was everything that made him what he was, that had turned him into something  _inhuman,_ into a  _monster_.

The Jenova cells weren't the only unnatural bits of his genetic make-up. Even without them there were still more than enough enhancements to his DNA to set him outside the realm of the human genome.

Yet, Sephiroth couldn't put words to the relief he felt from knowing Jenova was no longer a part of him, no longer able to invade his mind, no longer able to speak her sweet poisonous promises.

But did that really mean he was no longer a danger to the planet? Sephiroth didn't know, and he didn't know if he wanted to risk finding out.

And the mansion called to him- a wicked voice in the back of his mind, not like Jenova, his own demons asking if the truth could break him again- asking if when faced with the evidence of his unnatural life without the voice of Jenova to sooth away the pain if he could even handle the knowledge on his own.

After that, convincing himself that he was better off staying as far removed from human society as possible hadn't been a difficult task. And that included Cloud- If anything, the call from his friends had solidified Sephiroth's stance that Cloud was better off without him. The kiss had been a mistake. Sephiroth gazed down at the hand gripping his elbow, the rough skin burning into him, the heat and friction a shadowy reminder of the man's lips and touch and that firey desire that had consumed everything…

_A mistake._

That's what he kept telling himself.

Even if the words felt wrong.

Because being with Cloud was the first thing in a really long time that felt right.

Sephiroth pulled away from Cloud's grasp, forcing himself down the steps and away from the other man, removing himself from the physical contact because it was just too much of a temptation. It wasn't until the warm sunlight that filtered through the sparse cumulous-cover hit his face that Sephiroth realized he hadn't been  _outside_  in days. The sensation washed through him, warming his skin and filling his chest with a burst of peaceful contentment. For a moment Sephiroth forgot about all of the worries plaguing his tumultuous thoughts. The feel of it was so overwhelming. Powerful and natural. He just let himself get lost in the sensation.

The sound of Cloud calling out his name brought Sephiroth around just in time to catch something out of the air. A hurtling piece of gray against the bright blue if the sky-  _A sword…_  Sephiroth stared dumbly down at the thick blade in his hand. It measured around four feet in length, the metal serrated in a vicious looking edge. Nothing at all like masamune- but all the same… Cloud stood a few yards away, a large buster sword glinting in his hand. Something was off about it- a chunk off the side of the blade appeared to be missing. Sephiroth put the two together in his head- a memory of being surrounded by six wicked looking blades, all pointing at his chest, and Cloud- furious and vengeful and  _screaming at him…_

"Do you remember your sword forms?" The question snapped Sephiroth out of his memory, his eyes blinking up at Cloud as the words sunk in.

"Of course I remember," his voice sounded incredulous even to his own ears. But did Cloud really trust him with a weapon? Going by the look on the other man's face he seemed entirely comfortable with the fact that he had just armed his former enemy, blue eyes smiling as he moved into the first stance. Sephiroth was almost taken aback by the trust evident in the gesture, but instead he slid up next to Cloud, easily falling into form beside him.

Everyone in Shinra learned the basic sword forms- a series of striking gestures and guard positions strung together in an almost elegant dance. Elegant, if you were a Soldier- most cadets never practiced with a blade long enough to perfect the motions, guns were a much more effective weapon in the hand of an amateur. So when Cloud matched his every move, his every step, and his every inhale and exhale, Sephiroth almost marveled over the other man. His movements were precise and determined and sure, just as good as any 1st Class Soldier Sephiroth had known, if not better- a certain mastery over the smallest of adjustments evidence enough of the experience Cloud possessed.

Sephiroth sank down deeper into the poses, loosing himself in the in between moments where his body was stretched or curled perfectly into a form, before following his breath through to the next position. Finally, Sephiroth felt his thoughts clearing from his mind. After days of worrying and loosing sleep due to the torrent of his inner turmoil, the peace felt as refreshing as the sun on his skin. Cloud's pace did not falter, even when Sephiroth felt sweat running down his back, and felt the fatigue in his thighs as he sunk down into a forward thrust- Cloud was there beside him, sweating and breathing along with him.

As the sun reached it's zenith, Sephiroth pulled out of his final form, breathing heavily as his muscles sang in sweet agony. Cloud huffed a laugh out beside him, "I was about ready to give up- I don't think I've done that many in a series- let alone my entire life." Sephiroth watched Cloud run a hand across his brow, a grimace crossing his face after seeing how much he was sweating.

Wearing Cloud out gave Sephiroth a satisfaction he didn't know he had been looking for. It felt good to know that the absense of his Jenova skills had not appeared to effect his skill- and that even though Cloud had defeated him, he had not yet out-classed him. "Obviously you have had a great amount of practice, I think you discredit yourself," Sephiroth's eyes lingered on the sweat running down the column of Cloud's neck and pooling between at his collarbone.

"You have no idea how much I wanted to practice and train under you," Cloud was smiling at him and Sephiroth was finding it hard to choose between looking into the other man's eyes or watching the sweat beads on his skin. "I joined Shinra because of you- you made me want to be a Soldier."

Cloud probably hadn't intended for his words to carry a negative connotation, but all Sephiroth heard was how his influence had impacted Cloud's life. If it weren't for him Cloud never would have gotten involved in anything- in Shinra or Hojo or saving the planet- it was just one more example as to how Sephiroth brought nothing but grief to the other man's life.

One more nail in the coffin, as the expression went.

Something must have passed before Sephiroth's eyes, something that hinted at the thoughts in his mind because suddenly Cloud was  _there,_ staring at him, his gaze piercing and reading him like an open book. "Sephiroth," Cloud's voice held so much  _feeling_ , "I'm not leaving you behind-" Cloud grabbed him once again, this time his hands clutching his shoulders, "-and I won't let you try to force me to."

Sephiroth regarded Cloud with a blank expression- his focus not on those eyes or lips but rather on the daydream playing in his head, where he did go with Cloud, and things didn't fall apart around them. When Cloud pulled Sephiroth down into a hug his brain screamed at him to  _RESIST_  but Sephiroth once again was loosing himself in the physical sensation- surrendering, allowing Cloud to draw him closer and press into him, "I've hurt you enough already, Cloud- you hunted me down for a reason."

"And you were reborn for a reason, and I don't think it had anything to do with punishing you, Sephiroth," Clouds lips were pressed against the shell of his ear, his words echoing deep within Sephiroth. "Please believe me."

Sephiroth played those words over in his head, once again in that daydream of him and Cloud together, grasping at a feeling he could only call happiness- his body trembling with what he understood as desire.  _Maybe…_ A shuddering breath left Sephiroth as he dropped his head to Cloud's shoulder, not returning the other man's embrace, but just letting himself be held.

 _Maybe…_ Maybe Cloud was right. Maybe.

* * *

Cloud spent the rest of the afternoon taking advantage of Sephiroth's sudden talkative mood. The tension that had permeated the tiny house over the past few days had almost entirely dispersed. They eased into conversation slowly but steadily- a huge change compared to Sephiroth's previous heavy silence. And honestly, Cloud felt more relaxed talking with Sephiroth than he had expected. There were no awkward silences, no hesitant responses, no weird moments where neither of them knew what to say… And Sephiroth actually appeared to have a sense of humor. It was dark and dry and subtle but the more Cloud listened to the man speak the easier it was to pick up on. There were little hints of it here and there, not outright jokes, but when Zack came up in conversation Cloud could just tell there were a million stories for Sephiroth to tell- all of them ridiculous for sure, especially considering that thin press of a smile that Sephiroth was trying to hide.

There weren't words for how good it felt to have Sephiroth speaking again.

And the change in the mood gave Cloud hope that Sephiroth was recovering. Cloud wondered if the planet was watching them at this moment, maybe the beautiful weather was more than just good luck- after all, Cloud remembered the day he found Sephiroth as being gray and dreary, but every day since then had been absolutely gorgeous…

Cloud wondered about Shinra Mansion though, too.

A glance at Sephiroth revealed that the man wasn't staring out the window at this moment but Cloud had caught him staring a number of times since they came inside. It didn't exactly  _bother_  Cloud- not as much as it probably would have had he not known about the Jenova cells; but still, Sephiroth's obsession was worrisome. How did he bring that up in conversation? Sephiroth had to know that Cloud would have picked up on what he was looking at all this time- right? Picking at a loose thread in the couch, Cloud frowned to himself in thought.  _Sephiroth…_

 _"_ Cloud?" Sephiroth's voice cut through his thoughts like a warm knife, low and gorgeous and so unintentionally seductive… Cloud glanced up at the man- his green eyes were glowing in the sunlight, beautiful and questioning, "What is on your mind?"

The intimate question gave Cloud pause, "…What do you mean?" Cloud had been thinking of a few things, not just Shinra Mansion, but also Sephiroth's eyes and that _voice_ , he wondered which he would rather hear about...

"You were frowning,"  _-ah, the Mansion then._ Sephiroth shifted his body to curl deeper into his chair, somehow managing an easy lounge, his eyes never leaving Cloud's face.

With a sigh Cloud threw his head back, resting it against the top of the couch, lifting his shoulders so he could throw his arms over the back too. He may as well get it over with, direct and to the point- "Why have you been staring at the Mansion?" Cloud watched Sephiroth closely, peering at him from his angle on the couch.

The uncomfortable look that passed over Sephiroth's features was dark and forboding. He turned his eyes towards the floor, his gaze burning into the carpet. Sephiroth's words were slow to form, an obvious indicator of his discomfort. But it was his answer that gave Cloud pause: "It calls to me," Sephiroth's voice was just above a whisper, but sounded as loud as a gun shot in Cloud's ears.

"Like Jenova? Or something else?" Cloud slowly undraped himself from the back of the couch, moving to stare squarely at the man across from him,

Sephiroth shook his head once, silver hair making a halo of light disperse behind his head.  _God, he is gorgeous._  Cloud swallowed and waited for Sephiroth to speak, just watching his face, holding his breath…

"It…it is not a  _thing_ ," Sephiroth licked his lips, opening his mouth to silence, "-just the place. It feels the same way as it did when we came here on the reactor mission." The broken sound of Sephiroth's voice pulled at Cloud, "I don't remember much of what I did there. Those memories are more convoluted than the ones…you say are not mine. They are very hazy, except for her voice…" Sephiroth trailed off, and after a few moments of utter silence Cloud guessed he wasn't going to elaborate on  _that_ …

Cloud didn't blame him.

"Well, OK, so lets go check out the Mansion," Cloud watched Sephiroth's reaction closely- seeing the man's eyes flash behind the veil of his bangs.

The words he spoke nearly tore Cloud apart, "But I may loose myself again…" Sephiroth's voice  _was_ a whisper now, a whisper of fear and terror, of absolute torment.

"Sephiroth…" Green eyes stared off, blank and distant, focused on some scene replaying from a horrific memory. Cloud needed Sephiroth to  _look_ at him, though, so he got up from the couch and went to instead kneel down at foot of the arm chair. "Sephiroth," Cloud ran his hand through silver bangs, pushing them away so he could see his face. "You're not going to go crazy again-" he stroked his fingers down Sephiroth's cheek, just lightly brushing by his temple and down the slope of his jaw, willing those eyes to look at him, "-I'll go with you, I won't let anything happen-" and then Sephiroth was looking at him, his expression dark with some emotion, his face turned ever so slightly into Cloud's hand, but his eyes so deep and intense and  _dangerous._

A shiver ran down Cloud's spine, as a sensation of getting in over his head almost overwhelmed him- but he focused on those eyes, seeing other things in them, sad things,he saw that the danger was more a reflection of how Sephiroth perceived himself than what he was.

Cloud drew in a small breath, standing up to lean over Sephirpth, letting his lips linger just a hair apart from his  _"_ -I promise."

And then they were kissing. Cloud didn't know if it were him or Sephiroth who had closed the distance. It didn't matter, though- as long as those lips were pressing against him, as long as Sephiroth was letting him in, letting him get close, Cloud didn't think the how mattered much at all.

The kiss was hardly more that a soft press of their lips, a mingling of breath and small tentative touches. They kept it slow- Cloud using the hand at Sephiroth's cheek to merely hold the man steady as they explored each other.

When Cloud slipped his tongue deep into Sephiroth's mouth he met no resistance, lips parting to accommodate him, his tongue moving to meet Cloud's. The sensation washed through Cloud- the heady feeling of floating- the fluttering in his stomach. He savored every little detail, the slight flavor, the warm heat…And as Cloud pressed forward, Sephiroth dropped his head back and arched into Cloud, giving them the angle they needed to deepen the kiss…

They moved with one another, gentle and easy, letting the kiss define itself, not rushing into it- just feeling it out. Cloud's hand the only other firm point of contact besides their mouths- his fingertips massaging circles into Sephiroth's scalp while his tongue thrusted in deep and slow. Soft touches ghosted over Cloud's sides and waist- not quite making contact as he was just barely out of Sephiroth's reach- so, Cloud stepped forward, nudging Sephiroth's knees apart so he could slip between his legs.

Finally, Sephiroth's arms slid around Cloud, and he couldn't stop the soft moan that escaped him. Sephiroth was  _touching_  him, pulling him flush against him while rising up into the kiss, his whole body tense and trembling beneath Cloud. How many times had he fantasized about this over the past few days? How many times had he just wanted to kiss this man out of his dark brooding? Cloud had played this scene out over and over again in his head- and none of his daydreams held a candle to actually  _doing_  it.

Cloud took over the kiss, feeling the arms around his waist loosen- Sephiroth moving to grasp more at the fabric at Cloud's sides than his actual body. When Cloud swung his leg up onto the armchair to half straddle Sephiroth's thigh- the man's breath turned ragged, the kiss loosing some of it's control as Sephiroth twisted his fingers into Cloud's vest, his grip rough and desperate. When Cloud pulled his other leg up so that he was kneeling on the chair, up and over Sephiroth, hovering over his lap- he never let go of the kiss. Even as their lips slid against one another as their positions shifted, Cloud held Sephiroth steady, refusing to relinquish that mouth, pushing his tongue in deeper, twisting his fingers into silver hair…

A deep moan rumbled out of Sephiroth- full of longing, almost begging.

The tension Cloud felt building inside himself echoed in the body pressed into him. The feeling was so intense Cloud had to squeeze his eyes shut- so intense that he felt Sephiroth pull away from the kiss to rasp in quick shuddering breaths, his lips barely brushing against Cloud's…

_Gods, Sephiroth._

He trailed his fingers through silver bangs, stroked flushed cheeks and brushed past temples- pressing his lips to the corner of Sephiroth's mouth and giving him aa moment to breath, wondering how far he could take this, wondering how much could Sephiroth take. The man was clutching his shirt like it was a lifeline, and a glance downwards showed Cloud an erection pushing at the fabric of Sephiroth's pants.  _Oh Gaia, yes..._

Would Sephiroth let Cloud touch him? He could at least try, right?

Cloud's eyes never Sephiroth- even as he teased the man's tongue into his own mouth, sucking delicately at the tip, distracting him, drawing his attention up. Cloud watched, waiting for the moment where Sephiroth was wrapped up in the kiss…

And then he sank completely down into Sephiroth's lap- ripping a long ragged sob out of the man.  _That's it._

A rolling twist of his hips brought their erections together- Sephiroth was  _shaking_ against him now, his body melting into Clouds, his breath panting against Cloud's lips, his hips rocking, seeking that rough friction Cloud had given him...

Cloud obliged him, twisting his hips down, dragged their erections across one another while his fingers gripped at silver hair. "Sephiroth," Cloud whispered the words against the man's lips, grinding down into his lap, "tell me what you want, Sephiroth." He had to ask, before going any further Cloud had to make sure this was OK.

"Cloud-" Sephiroth's voice was hardly more than a frustrated sob, his hips lifting up so the hard line of his erection pressed against Cloud's own. "I want -" Sephiroth could hardly say the words, "I want..."

"Tell me," Cloud murmured, moving to press his lips to Sephiroth ear, a hand trailing down Sephiroth's neck and chest, past his waist to his lap, fingers tracing the outline of his erection- mapping it out, finding the swollen head and pressing into it through the fabric of his pants... "Do you want this?"

Sephiroth's hips snapped up into Cloud's hand, "Yesssss." Cloud's kiss was gentle, but the hand that squeezed at the bulge in Sephiroth's lap was firm and sure.

Shifting away from Sephiroth, Cloud gave himself just a little bit more room to maneuver, pressing more firmly into Sephiroth's lap. The erection under his hand was straining- the fabric of Sephiroth's pants stretched tight around the swollen flesh.  _Beautiful._ Cloud was at a loss for thought, so he let his lips trail back to that swollen mouth instead- just barely brushing against Sephiroth, teasing his lips as his fingers teased his cock. Sephiroth's breath was shallow and ragged, almost panicked if not for the hips which were rocking up into Cloud's palm, betraying his desire. But Cloud's touch must have been too light, too careful, because suddenly Sephiroth caught him in a rough kiss- asking, begging for  _more._  Cloud dragged his fingers over the man's erection, swallowing the sound of the wanton moan spilling into his mouth- more than happy to give the man what he wanted.

When fingers paused to swirl around the precome-soaked fabric stretched over the tip, Sephiroth ripped away from Cloud-throwing his head back in a silent sob. Cloud pressed his hand into that spot, using palm to rub small circles over the area…

And then Sephiroth broke- the action wrenching an actual sob out of his throat and stunning his body into a twisted stillness.  _Yes, oh gods, Sephiroth, that's it…_ Taking advantage of Sephiroth's loss of motor functions, Cloud immediately slipped his tongue back into that mouth, deep and forceful and promising- promising something else entirely, something different, something more…

Cloud curled his fingers behind Sephiroth's waistband- tugging back and dipping inside, reaching and searching, and then finding the heated velvety flesh of Sephiroth's cock. He squeezed, feeling the throb of it in his hand, memorizing the girth and the weight and the  _feel._ But the sharp sound of an inhale and the almost imperceptible feel of Sephiroth drawing away stopped Cloud short- the body language was all wrong, a tremor where there should have been a shiver, and Sephiroth had stopped  _breathing_. This wasn't the reaction he was looking for. As Cloud pulled back he thanked the planet he had caught himself before he pushed Sephiroth too far. Immediately he drew attention back up to their kiss, abandoning the erection in favor of more familiar ground, "It's OK, we don't have to, not yet."

Sephiroth responded to Cloud by breaking their lips apart and burying his face in the crook of Cloud's neck, muffling a low drawn out moan- his hips still rocking, his arms wrapping tight around Cloud's waist. The man was obviously resisting his body's instincts, and the sight was so fucking hot that Cloud had to squeeze his eyes shut- focusing on just holding Sephiroth as the man fought for control.

And also focusing on regaining his own senses, on pushing down his own lust and desire and calming his own racing heart. The intense sensation of arousal was peaking through his nerves, tempting him with its sweet heady high... Cloud turned his face in the soft silver strands of Sephiroth's hair, inhaling in the scent, controlling his breath...

"Sephiroth..." Cloud's words were a soft murmur against Sephiroth's ear, the name falling over and over from his lips like a mantra- "Sephiroth... "

And when Sephiroth responded with his own whispered "Cloud" he couldn't fight the grin that split his face, he could only hide it in the silken fall of Sephiroth's hair.

* * *

Sephiroth liked the way Cloud said his name. Since their kiss yesterday he had started picking up on the small subtle nuances that varied with each pronunciation. How Cloud could be so...descriptive...in the way he spoke a single word Sephiroth did not understand- but he found himself savoring the moments. It made him feel more like a person- hearing his name used so easily and often, with so much feeling behind it...

And without 'General' to preface it, no 'Sir' in substitution, just his name, rolling off Cloud's tongue with a familiarity that could have made Sephiroth blush, that was, if he were capable of blushing.

Which he wasn't, he assured himself.

Something within him had changed, he couldn't say what, but just  _knowing_  was enough for Sephiroth- enough to let him fight down the dark thoughts that echoed from the deep recesses of his mind- the thoughts planted there by Hojo that told him to stay away from people...  _Don't let them close, Sephiroth, they will only hurt you._ It was enough to let Sephiroth accept that he wanted Cloud, both emotionally and physically and _completely_...

"Sephiroth," Cloud was standing beside him on the porch, a messenger bag slung over his shoulder and a questioning look in his blue eyes. "Are you ready? We don't have to, if you've changed your mind..."

Sephiroth met Cloud's gaze for only a moment, hoping the other man could only read the determination in his eyes and not the apprehensive fear because today...

Today they were headed to the Mansion.

Today Sephiroth was going to face down the fear that the place had driven into him. Until he could…relive…those moments before he snapped, see the same things and read the same words and come out alive and sane... Sephiroth knew he wouldn't be able to consciously accept that his sanity was not in question- not until he faced down that place _._

But Cloud was with him, so Sephiroth knew that if anything did happen, he'd be there-  _To stop me-To kill me-_  whichever way it ended up.

Sephiroth's footsteps echoed off Nibelheim's empty homes and barren storefronts, the silence of the town making his thoughts and steps all the louder. Did the Mansion know he was coming? Did the ghosts that resided in this town see his approach? Could they hear the turmoil in his mind? Were they afraid of reliving that day where a wall of flame descended on them, killing their friends and children and neighbors...

Cloud's hand slipped into Sephiroth's, giving it a brief squeeze before retreating just as quickly- Sephiroth's fingers curling belatedly around the empty space it's absence left.

_Cloud..._

Sephiroth knew deep in his being that everything was going to be OK, he just had to do this, had to have proof...

They made their way slowly through the streets, the Mansion looming ominous above them, a dark smear across the otherwise bright blue sky. When finally they stood at it's steps, the large heavy wooden door safely locking away everything Sephiroth wanted to disturb, he felt his resolve slipping. Could he really do this? Sephiroth swallowed down the lump forming in his throat and pressed onwards, taking the steps one by one until he reached the sealed door- breaking the deadbolt and  _pushing_ -

Shinra Mansion yawned as it's door swung inwards, the old original wooden support beams creaking at the small disturbance. Dust floated out, drifting across the landing and curling around Sephiroth's boots, tendrils creeping up his calves like a monster's fingers- grasping at him, pulling him in past the doorframe and into the dark shadows of the long-abandoned Mansion.

Inside, Shinra Mansion looked just like a lot of the other variations he had visited: Heavy red velvet drapes hung over the windows, blocking out the bright mountain sunlight and casting everything in a deep red hue. Dark hardwood floors ran throughout every room, the persian rugs that covered them threadbare and faded. The chairs and couches spread across the front parlor were covered in dusty white sheets- someone had obviously been there since Sephiroth's last visit, shutting the place down from use, knowing that Shinra would never have another reason to send an employee out there now that the whole 'incident' had been covered up.

Sephiroth wondered if anything was even left in the basement. If Shinra had closed down their Mansion they very well could have removed all of the documents that Sephiroth had discovered before.

A squeak of the wooden floor boards brought his attention behind him where Cloud was pulling flashlights out of the bag he carried, "I don't think this place has electricity anymore." Sephiroth caught the light-weight military-issued model that Cloud tossed to him, examining the subtle little changes to the technology, so small yet so different from what he remembered.

But he didn't need a flashlight to see in the dark- he was a SOLDIER, and so was Cloud. Before Sephiroth could even say a word about it Cloud added, "For a reading light, you know."

"I believe the basement door is down this hallway," Sephiroth turned from a shrugging Cloud, walking towards a dark open doorway at the back of the parlor. The narrow dusty passage stretched on into total darkness- the once beautiful filigree wallpaper yellowed and peeling off the walls. Paintings still hung in the spaces between the doorways and Sephiroth noted how some of the frames were tilted off-kilter while others looked like their canvases had been shredded by some monster's claws. Had that been from him or some other creature who had escaped from the bowls of the Mansion? Sephiroth took a weary step into the space, edging his was past each painting and closed door, almost expecting some remaining mutation to burst out and attack him.

Sephiroth knew he was being stupid- logically it made no sense for anyone or anything to still be alive in this place, but still his brain wondered.

When he and Cloud reached the end of the passage Sephiroth took a moment to gather himself- his breath deepening as he tried to clear his mind of the dark edges closing in on his thoughts. This was it. The basement. This was where Sephiroth finally faced down what had been eating at him for days.

The handle on the door waited for Sephiroth, cold and hard and uninviting. The last threshold that separated Sephiroth from the abyss of his past.

A sudden burst of terror bloomed deep in Sephiroth's belly, the words ' _My Son, My Son'_ echoed in his mind, rang in his ears _…_

"Sephiroth?" Cloud asked.

Sephiroth clung to Cloud's voice and grabbed the handle, twisting and pushing and opening the door to reveal a long staircase heading down down down.

Down into deep black nothing.

Sephiroth clicked on his flashlight.

"Are you OK?" Cloud was beside Sephiroth, his presence close but not touching, not pushing him forward or pulling him back- simply giving Sephiroth the space he needed to decide what to do for himself, all while letting him know that whatever he choose Cloud would be there.

Sephiroth didn't trust his voice, so he met Cloud's gaze and dipped his chin in a firm nod.

Together they descended the staircase.

* * *

When Sephiroth's flashlight beam bobbed down into the dark abyss of the staircase Cloud felt like less of an idiot. He was so used to traveling with people who didn't have advanced senses that he hadn't even thought twice when he'd thrown those flashlights into the bag. Although he had to admit, his low light vision only went so far- and there was no light whatsoever coming from the staircase…

Cloud remembered there being auxiliary lighting on in the basement even when it was shut down those years ago, but the ones in the staircase appeared to have burnt out. Hopefully the same didn't go for all of the lights down below- the Mansion was creepy enough already without being plunged into total darkness.

Nonetheless, when Sephiroth took the first step Cloud was following him- making his way down the creaking wooden structure- using the narrow passage as an excuse to stay close to the other man. Cloud was worried about Sephiroth, he just couldn't help it. The desire to protect him from that which had broken him those ten years ago was all Cloud could focus on. In his mind every shadow was a monster waiting, every closed door a sick laboratory, and somewhere Jenova still lurked, waiting to drag Sephiroth back into her consuming darkness…

The thoughts were ridiculous, Cloud  _knew_  better- but the Mansion really  _was_  a fucking living nightmare- who could blame anyone for being terrified of it.

After all, Sephiroth was terrified- he was just doing his best to hide it.

Cloud found the signs all too easy to read- the flashlight the most obvious indicator, followed by the thin press of his lips and that grim shadow over his eyes. And of course the way he seemed to be keeping close enough to Cloud to preserve some form of physical contact- just a touch of a shoulder or a brush of fingers against his arm as they descended deeper…

The spiraling staircase ended at another door but this time Sephiroth didn't hesitate in grabbing the handle and revealing the room beyond. A feint light struggled to flicker on- popping and humming before finally illuminating the stone walls and wooden accents in a sickly green glow- providing enough light for them to easily see by, but making everything appear all that more sinister. Papers littered the floor, just scattered through the room like some file folder had exploded- brown and old and waterlogged from sitting in a clear liquid that had been spilled and never dried.

Cloud followed Sephiroth's lead and steered clear of the unknown fluid- anything that took that long to dry couldn't be safe.

Together they moved deep into the bowels of the basement.

When Sephiroth came to an unassuming bookshelf Cloud watched as he reached and pressed a hidden clasp- the bookshelf swinging inwards to reveal a small circular room hidden behind. Cloud swallowed, fighting down his nerves.  _Could this place get any creepier- seriously?_  The room possessed only a desk as furniture but the walls were covered in shelf after shelf of books: journals and logs and notes notes notes. Notes in binders as well as notes in traditionally bound books, the words sometimes typed and other times hand-written. All of it in a mess, the shelves unorganized and the desk absolutely covered in stacks of the things.

Cloud glanced at Sephiroth- the man looked like he was going to be sick.

* * *

Sephiroth swallowed back the bile rising in his throat. This was it. This was the room. And it was just like how he left it. Suddenly the hazy memories he had trouble recalling flooded back into his mind. He saw himself sitting on the floor, the stone cold against his legs but hardly deterring him from pulling book after book from those shelves, not thinking, only absorbing every scrap of information he could find about his origins. Slowly driving himself mad until finally he had heard that voice…Jenova…

The feel of Cloud's hand on his shoulder brought Sephiroth back to the present.

This wasn't like last time, Jenova was  _gone._

Using Cloud's presence as an anchor Sephiroth took a single step towards that desk, then another, until finally he had closed the distance. He stood above the chaotic pile of papers, his eyes sweeping over everything, his stomach sinking.

At last, he choose a book- his breath shallow as trembling fingers picked through the pages. It detailed the process of cloning Jenova cells into a human body- the problems that arose from it (mental instability, a physical breakdown of human DNA which either resulted in death or mutation, inhuman strengths and abilities that the scientists and lab technicians had difficulty controlling), and the successes (increased sensory awareness, a naturally heightened IQ, and once again that inhuman strength that when tempered allowed extraordinary levels of Mako to be absorbed).

It was obvious that no one had any idea what they were dealing with. What warning signs were given to them were completely ignored- or misconstrued as scientific breakthroughs. Sephiroth's results alone should have been enough to halt the Jenova program in it's tracks. All the details did was foreshadow his eventual breakdown. Sephiroth placed the book back onto the desk- his eyes sweeping over the stacks, searching for something else…

The familiar scribbled handwriting on the label of a manila folder caught his attention. Sephiroth reached for it, the pages inside crinkling as he lifted the yellowed folder into better lighting, his eyes scanning the words and  _remembering_.  _Hojo._ The log documented the planned progression of his enhancements after Professor Gast had abandoned Shinra and Sephiroth was placed fully under Hojo's authority.

_March 23rd - 1985 06:34 am_

_The specimen has fallen behind in his treatments- no doubt due to Gast's concern over it's mental well-being after the sensitive reaction displayed to our mako injections. What Gast saw as a reason to tread carefully I see as a medical breakthrough. If our only issue is the mental stability of Specimen S then I consider this treatment a total success. We can deal with a child's psychological disturbances much more effectively than a negative physical reaction to Mako- and the specimen reacts so perfectly to the injections- his body and cells absorb the Mako with ease. It would be a shame to waste any more time waiting for it to recover from it's mental trauma._

_The treatment schedule is outline below:_

_Starting today:_ _03/23/85 - x4 0.3 mil Mako Substance B injections-_

Sephiroth's hands were shaking as he placed the log back down onto the desk- his eyes unable to read further. Mental instability- they never did get around to fixing that part of him. Instead they bombarded him with treatment after treatment- drugging him rather than trying any sort of therapy to help him deal with the  _pain,_  the  _nightmares,_ the visions of watching his own body be broken and rebuilt and broken over and over and  _over again_  until he was there perfect obedient  _weapon._

All of it ordered by his own  _father-_ betrayed by his own flesh and blood- betrayed by the person who should have  _protected_  him. The one person he should have been able to  _trust_ turned out to be the person he should have feared the  _most-_

A rustle caught Sephiroth's attention. Cloud had dropped the messenger bag on the floor next to the desk and was leaning towards him, peering around at the abandoned log, pressing ever so slightly into Sephiroth- a solid warmth where he felt so  _cold._ Blue eyes scan the page, reading the same words, seeing the treatment schedule, and Sephiroth watched as Cloud's expression turn dark, turned  _angry_.

"What a fucking  _asshole_ ," the venom in Cloud's voice was almost palpable.

Hearing the vengeful power behind Cloud's voice sent a shiver through Sephiroth- he floated in it- let it surround him. Distantly Sephiroth felt himself leaning into Cloud's warmth, and even more distantly he remembered a similar feeling- the feeling of Jenova's own sweet voice, her vindictive anger and commiseration and comforting and that dark profession of motherly love-

A cold fear washed over and through him, forcing him to withdraw into himself, to remove himself from the comfort trying to surround him, not trusting it,  _knowing_ what it meant, refusing to succumb-

 _I won't surrender, Jenova,_ "-I won't," Sephiroth's rasped out load.

"Sephiroth?"

No, not Jenova.

 _Cloud_.

Hands were on him, gripping his shoulders, firm and strong and turning him around, facing Sephiroth away from the logs and notes and words… Facing him towards Cloud- Cloud who was bright and warm and golden even in the sickly green light. Cloud, who's eyes bore into him, filled with concern and something else, something Sephiroth couldn't name.

_Cloud…_

Sephiroth hung his head as Cloud's hands slipped over his shoulders and pulled him close. The physical presence of Cloud was a beacon to him. This was not Jenova, this wasn't anything  _like_  Jenova- this was real and tangible and warm and good and  _right._ This was  _Cloud._ He leaned into the embrace- letting his forehead drop to rest against Cloud's, feeling the other man shifting him backwards until his thighs bumped against the edge of the desk.

There they stood, still and silent and listening to each other breath- each just focused on the presence of the other.

Thoughts passed through Sephiroth's mind- his memories from the past week replaying in his head: Cloud finding him in the reactor, and then panicking and stabbing him. Cloud's gentle hands as they bandaged his wrist and soothed away his pain. Cloud's kiss on the couch, and the even more passionate moment in the chair, where he almost- where  _they_  almost- Sephiroth shuddered at the thought, his body latching onto that memory and holding, "Cloud…" he knew his voice betrayed his thoughts.

Cloud's body froze at the sound of his name, reading into the word, "Are you sure?"

When Cloud's lips finally brushed his the world fell away from Sephiroth. He was falling and sinking, without fear or worry, simply surrendering- and this time it was OK-

Because this time it was  _Cloud_.

* * *

Cloud felt the moment Sephiroth gave over control, felt it in the very marrow of his soul, felt it in the way the other man sighed against his lips when Cloud's fingers brushed down his jaw, felt it as he turned his face towards that touch but never strayed from the gentle press of their kiss. He felt it in the air of the room, the way it lightened, the way the fear and tension dissipated into an old stale loneliness- the power the Mansion nothing in comparison to Cloud's feelings for Sephiroth.

"You OK?" Cloud whispered against Sephiroth's mouth, not even needing words to understand what the man wanted- already he could feel the press of an erection against his hip.

The only answer he got was Sephiroth's tongue running along his lower lip, asking, questioning, tentatively torturous and sweet. Cloud opened his mouth and let the other man in. The feel of Sephiroth's tongue slipping over his teeth, seeking him out- it was almost too much for Cloud. It was everything he wanted, everything he had been wishing for _._ Cloud let his hands wander to Sephiroth's chest, twisting into the fabric while he pulled the man's torso towards him. Then he was pushing his hips between Sephiroth's knees- nudging Sephiroth into a sitting position on the edge of the desk.

When Cloud swept his tongue along Sephiroth's, finally giving the man the contact he sought, a moan spilled from him. When Cloud took control of the kiss, biting and sucking Sephiroth further into his mouth, using his hands to hold Sephiroth to him, showing him everything he wanted to do to him with his tongue alone...

Sephiroth was  _melting_.

_Yes, Sephiroth, that's it…_

Cloud went slow. Not because he was afraid of doing something wrong, but because there was no rush, no desperation, he wanted Sephiroth to feel _everything._ Not just his physical touches, but his emotions and feelings, he wanted Sephiroth to understand that he would never hurt him. That giving himself over to Cloud was not a surrender, it was not giving up control- it was something natural and beautiful and  _OK,_ and he would never use it against him.

He let his hands fall from Sephiroth's chest, brushing down the man's sides, past his waist until they reach his hips where they  _squeezed_. Another moan spilled into his mouth. Sephiroth's body was shivering under his hands, his mouth pressing desperately against Cloud's. The man's desire was addictive. Cloud dipped his thumbs into the hollow where Sephiroth's pelvis curved in, splaying his fingers back, holding the man steady as he pressed into him- pressed their erections together, rolling, grinding.

Sephiroth hands suddenly reached up and gripped his hips and pulled him closer, mirroring Cloud, his pelvis lifting up off the edge of the desk with tiny little movements as he sought even more friction, even more contact, a moan spilling from him.

"Shhhh," Cloud pulled out of the kiss, pressing his lips instead to Sephiroth's brow, determined to not rush through this, no matter how desperate Sephiroth became. So easily the other man was giving himself up, Cloud distantly wondered if on some level this was how he had responded to Jenova's intervention- had Sephiroth really been so starved for a gentle word, for someone to love him?

Cloud would love him, better than Jenova or anyone else ever could. Even if the rest of the world was at Sephiroth's throat, vengeful and angry, demanding retribution, Cloud would be there- loving him, protecting him.

The grip Cloud had on Sephiroth's hips slipped back to instead cup the swell of Sephiroth's butt as he hoisted them together. Momentarily forgetting about his resolve to take things slow and just giving Sephiroth that contact he sought. They moaned together- pulling out of the kiss as the new sensations overwhelmed them. The hard lines of their erections slid together together. Cloud could feel the heat rolling off Sephiroth in waves- his whole body temperature rising and bringing a flush across his pale cheeks.

 _Gorgeous._  Cloud stared at the man before him, caught up watching those hooded green eyes as they stared down at where their bodies met, swollen lips parted and panting. Unable to resist- Cloud reached a hand up to that mouth. He ran his thumb over the delicate flesh, letting his fingers grip Sephiroth's chin as Sephiroth's teeth and tongue danced along the tip, pulling Cloud's thumb into his mouth as he nibbled and sucked, all while grinding his hips hard into Cloud.

_Oh… oh, fuck._

Sephiroth was the mortal representation of desire. At that moment, for all Cloud knew, he could have been built for sex rather than war. The man's natural instincts were the perfect combination of power and wanton desperation. It was more than Cloud had dreamed, more than he ever thought this could be. Sephiroth was a drug.

And then Cloud's hand was dipping into Sephiroth's pants and gripping him, firm and hard and steady.

Sephiroth bit down  _hard_  into Cloud's thumb, a strangled groan spilling from him. Pale hands quickly moved to grip the edge of the desk as hips snapped forward- his cock sliding over Cloud's fingers, precum slicking the way.

Cloud sort of lost it then. His hand went from Sephiroth's mouth to instead grip the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling Sephiroth down so his lips pressed into the shell of his ear, giving his cock another twist, "Does it feel good?" Cloud let his tongue run along the edge of Sephiroth's ear, his words a ghosting whisper across the wet flesh. Sephiroth's response was a silent thrust of his hips into Cloud's grip, begging for more- but Cloud wanted to hear that voice, he wanted to feel the low rumble of it wash through him, "Tell me what you want, Sephiroth."

The tone of his voice was soft and warm and soothing, but the question was the same from yesterday, the question Sephiroth couldn't answer, but had tried so hard to.

"You," Sephiroth's voice was hardly above a whisper, "I need you, Cloud."

 _Need._ Cloud thought,  _Not want, but need._ Cloud could not have asked for anything more.

With a single motion Cloud was pulling Sephiroth's shirt up over his head- leaving silver hair to fall down over bare shoulders- revealing the pale expanse of Sephiroth's chest, those gorgeous arms tangled with long lean muscles, twitching with pent up energy- reaching for him. Cloud drew in a breath as Sephiroth pulled him in for another kiss,  _slow and steady_  he reminded himself even as Sephiroth thrust up into Cloud's hand- _don't rush_. It was really difficult to follow his own advice.

When Cloud's free hand gripped the waistband of Sephiroth's pants the man was already lifting his hips- giving Cloud the room he needed to slide them down and finally set his erection free. Sephiroth panted into Cloud's mouth, his breath speeding up as the palm of Cloud's hand slipped over the tip of his erection, gathering the precum so that with the next twist down Cloud had Sephiroth  _sobbing._

Cloud let the sound fill his mouth, giving up a moan of his own before pulling away and searching for those green eyes- the intensity of his gaze finally capturing Sephiroth in a deep meaningful exchange. This was the point where Sephiroth could stop this- after this point Cloud knew there wasn't any stopping. As much as his desire screamed at him to just get on with it, Cloud had made a promise not to hurt this man- if he had to he could stop this now.

"You're sure this is OK?" Cloud trailed his fingers down Sephiroth's cheek, the tenderness in stark juxtaposition to the rough grip he had on the man's cock.

There was no need for Cloud to worry, though. The expression on Sephiroth's face said it all, the look in his eyes telling Cloud everything he couldn't admit, saying all the words his tongue could never form- at least not yet-

But then Sephiroth actually whispered " _Please"_ and Cloud knew he would never have to ask permission ever again.

* * *

"Please," Sephiroth felt the word fall off his tongue, light and easy and  _right._ Totally unlike what he thought it would feel like. He had instead expected a drop in his stomach, terror to crawl through his veins, a vice to close around his mind. Instead, his heart lifted and his nerves sang as Cloud's expression turned glorious- surprise, desire, lust, and…something else, something Sephiroth still couldn't name, all mixed together with intense blue eyes.

But then he was gone- dropping to his knees before Sephiroth could think and pressing his lips to the tip of Sephiroth's cock.

_FUCK-_

Sephiroth drew in a sharp gasp- his hips lifting off the desk once more in a shallow thrust as his head dropped back and his hands gripped at the edges of the desk. Cloud's tongue just barely danced over the little slit where Sephiroth was  _leaking_  precum, his mouth a tease against the sensitive flesh.

_Oh Goddess-_

Sephiroth was loosing his mind to the pleasure, loosing his mind in a way he had never felt before- so unlike Jenova. Yet, still his control was gone, his body submitting to Cloud's every beck and call… He hardly noticed his boots being removed and his pants following them to the floor- all he could focus on was that mouth which was now dropping down his shaft- tongue and teeth swirling and scraping, lips pulling in a hard pressure all around him.

Sephiroth felt rather than heard his voice crying out.

Touches of warm fingers trailed down the inside of his thighs, pushing them apart, sending shivers up Sephiroth's spine as they brushed over his perineum and further still. Unconsciously Sephiroth shifted forward, sliding his hips just off the edge of the desk, leaning more of his weight back onto his arms- watching as Cloud dug into his bag on the floor and pulled out a small tube of something-

Something slick and wet, something that was being smoothed over him, over the tight ring of muscle that was his anus. Lubricant. Sephiroth whimpered. His mouth fell open as he watched Cloud's mouth slide down over his cock, unable to see the hand working but feeling the finger pushing into him. The sensation was so  _bizarre_. Not unpleasant or uncomfortable- just something Sephiroth had never experienced before. And Cloud was being so  _careful-_ careful not to hurt him, careful to make sure he was ready when the second finger slipped in and  _really_ started to stretch him.

Sephiroth's legs were shaking by the time Cloud added a third finger. When Cloud's fingers brushed something deep inside him, Sephiroth shuddered, almost falling off the desk- a long drawn out moan crawling out of his throat.

"Cloud-" he panted, eyes squeezed shut, his body now half hanging off the desk and his hips twisting, searching, reaching for whatever had caused  _that_. But he felt Cloud moving away, felt the absence of his mouth and fingers- leaving him empty and cold, "- _Cloud?_ " All he heard was the rustle of clothing.

"I'm right here," Cloud's was grabbing him around his waist, lifting his body in one arm while using the other to push all the books and logs and notes to the floor, pressing Sephiroth back into the space they left. "Are you ready?" Cloud's whispered against his lips.

Sephiroth's only answer was to press a trembling kiss against Cloud's mouth, trying to convey with his lips the words he couldn't find.  _Please, oh Goddess, please._ And then he felt a pressure against him, a hand grabbing his hip to steady him- and finally the sensation of a  _pop_  and a sharp bursting pain blossoming into a tight overwhelming pressure- "Ah-ahhh!" Sephiroth's hands shot out to grab the sides of the desk- failing to steady himself as he arched up into Cloud, arms wrapping around him, holding him there.

"Shhhhh-" Cloud dropped his head, pressing kisses to his temple and biting down on the shell of his ear _-_ giving Sephiroth a moment to adjust before sliding in deeper. Going slow, so slow, so  _fucking slow-_ Sephiroth twisted in the man's arms."Shhh, Sephiroth," Cloud whispering the words into his mouth as he caught him in a kiss, "-you'll appreciate this later, trust me." Maybe Cloud was right, because the pain that Sephiroth had felt was slowly being taken over by the sensation of being  _split open_ \- a feeling he could not have ever imagined, so strong and intense and  _hot,_ the pain replaced by a new agonizing fire.

And when Cloud's cock pushed into the spot deep inside him, Sephiroth  _screamed- "Ahhhh-"_

Cloud held him as his arms slipped from their grip on the desk, moving to clutch desperately at Cloud's shoulders, his back arching and his hips rolling against the sensation. "Oh, Gaia, Sephiroth," Cloud was kissing him again, his lips silencing the noises falling from Sephiroth's mouth as he pulled his hips back and then  _snapped_  them forward, right into that  _spot._ Sephiroth sobbed into the kiss as Cloud moved against him.

_Oh Goddess, yes._

Sephiroth's body was singing, clutching at Cloud, finally getting the release it had been begging for. Sephiroth let himself fall into the sensation and drown in it- unable to think, just  _feeling_.

When Sephiroth felt himself being pulled forward, his hips sliding off the edge of the desk as Cloud leaned up with him, his eyes flew open. Cloud's arms were moving from his waist to instead hook behind his knees, and instinctively Sephiroth reached back to brace his hands against the desk- holding his upper body up as Cloud pulled his hips towards him. Sephiroth felt himself slide down even further onto Cloud, the new angle providing a deeper penetration and Sephiroth _shuddered_  with the feel of it.

And when Cloud rested one of his legs on his shoulder so he could reach for Sephiroth's  _erection._ There was nothing Sephiroth could do but rock down onto that cock and snap his hips up into that  _hand._ Somehow he managed to do both at the same time- _"Ah- Cloud!"_ Sephiroth threw his head back, his hips _twisting-_ but in the end it didn't matter because when Cloud started driving into him Sephiroth could do nothing but  _take_  it. He was frozen in pleasure, his mouth hanging open in a silent scream as his body arched further and further-  _Yes, yes, yes-_ Sephiroth felt himself slowly beginning to unravel…

But before Sephiroth could peak Cloud was letting his legs down and pulling him forward, sliding them off the desk and onto the floor, rocking up into Sephiroth, his hand still moving on his erection the angle shifting just a little bit deeper…

Sephiroth let out a breathless sob

They were close together again, close enough for Cloud to reach forward and pull Sephiroth in for a kiss- their mouths latching together. Cloud's tongue teased him, just darting out to brush against Sephiroth's- his mouth gasping and  _groaning_ against his _…_ Sephiroth responded with small sounds of his own, unable to restrain his voice any longer.  _Cloud, Cloud, Cloud…_ Sephiroth sank down onto Cloud's cock, taking advantage of his new leverage to drop himself down harder onto each of Cloud's thrusts, aiming right for that  _spot_. "That's it, Sephiroth," Cloud held Sephiroth's against his mouth, twisted his hand down his erection, "That's it- so close-" Cloud's words were driving him over the edge- twisting at something deep in Sephiroth- pulling him up- he was spiraling higher, falling closer-

"Cloud, I am going- I'm- ah-"

"Come with me, Sephiroth, come  _now-"_

And then Cloud's hips snapped forward right into him- grinding and spreading him wide, little thrusts rubbing that place inside him while something hot and wet _filled him-_ Sephiroth was coming. Lightening tore through his body, spreading from his belly and tearing through every limb- He screamed as his orgasm erupted from him, Cloud's hand pumping thick white release out from his cock, squeezing and twisting out every last  _drop_.

_Cloud…_

They collapsed on the floor together, Cloud draped over Sephiroth- both panting and shaking and clutching at one another. Sephiroth floated in the feeling of satiation- of total bliss and euphoria, his eyes drifting shut as he curled around the warmth that was Cloud.  _Cloud._ God, he was obsessed.

"Fuck," Cloud murmured into Sephiroth's chest, after a few minutes. His blond spikes were brushing against Sephiroth's chin- providing enough of a distraction to keep Sephiroth from just passing out on the basement floor. But not enough to have kept him completely coherent.

Basement. Shinra Mansion's basement.

Sephiroth had forgot.

"Fuck, indeed," Sephiroth buried his face in Cloud's hair, breathing in his scent, squeezing the man more tightly to him.

"We're covered in come, you know," Cloud's voice was distant- almost like he meant it to be a complaint but the words came off more as a simple statement of fact. Sephiroth hummed his agreement into the blond spikes, but refused to let go of the man in his arms. So, they laid like that, Cloud resting on Sephiroth, his fingers trailing over the man's hips, his breath even and relaxed- lulling Sephiroth into a lazy hazy dream…

Eventually the stone floor became cold and uncomfortable, and Cloud was determined to clean him up so Sephiroth let himself be repositioned to sit against the back of the desk.

Not surprisingly, Cloud had brought tissues with him- Sephiroth was beginning to wonder about that bag of his. It was almost as if the man had been  _planning_ this-

Before Sephiroth could continue his train of thought he noticed something on the ground by his hand. It was a small black journal, and it was wedged under one of the desk's heavy wooden legs. Sephiroth grabbed the book and twisted it free- notes and reports falling from the sides as the desk bounced down onto the stone floor, now wobbly without the book balancing it's support.

The journal in his hand was unassuming- the black leather cover worn and scratched. The golden filigree letters that were printed along the front faded and almost unreadable. Sephiroth turned the cover, his eyes scanning the page. The swirling scrawl of a woman's handwriting stretched across the paper, the words reading 'This journal belongs to Lucrecia Crescent - please return if found.'

"What's that?" Cloud was trying to read the script from upside down- an impossible feat with how fancy this woman's handwriting was.

"It is a journal," Even Sephiroth found it bizarre that there would be such a personal item in a room full of experiment documents. "It belong's to a woman names 'Lucrecia Crescent'."

The  _look_ that passed over Cloud's face was indescribable.

"Is something wrong?" Sephiroth frowned, turning the page and scanning the first entry:

_July 7th, 1976_

_Today my doctor informed me that I am pregnant. I should have been able to figure this out on my own- after all, now that I reflect I have been experiencing many of the signs over the past month, but for some reason the possibility never dawned on me. I am starting this journal to document my pregnancy. Not for the sake of science, but because I want to remember every growing pain, every morning of sickness, every weird food craving, every-_

Sephiroth skipped ahead to the middle of the journal- the scrawling handwriting was a little more haphazard in this section- almost as if it were being written in haste:

_December 15th, 1976_

_It's a boy- no, he's a boy. I'm having a boy._

_Hojo has already found out. Now that he knows the child in male he wants him for the JENOVA Project. I can't say no to him. I committed to this project and now they want my baby. My treatments start next week and I am really, truly terrified._

_I am naming him Sephiroth._

_It is a strong name, like something from the stars- it will be a big name to live up to so he will have to be a strong man to fill it's shoes. Strong enough to survive whatever horror Hojo will put him through. Strong enough to survive when i can't protect him any longer-_

Sephiroth slowly, carefully, closed the book.

And then he began to cry.

* * *

Cloud sat on the couch sipping a hot mug of tea, caffeine free, because he planned on going to bed early (any minute) and sleeping in late (maybe like 8). He was so  _exhausted_. Although, probably not as exhausted as Sephiroth. After finding that journal…

He took another sip from his mug, hiding his smile behind the rim- not that anyone was watching. Sephiroth was  _still_  in the bathroom. Cloud didn't really blame him- he had looked like a mess.

A gorgeous beautiful broken mess, but Cloud loved it.

When Cloud heard the bathroom door opening he gulped downed the remnants of his tea and headed into the bedroom, throwing his arms over his head in a stretch as he walked, rolling his stiff neck muscles, remembering how he  _got_ them.

Sephiroth was waiting for him- hovering in the bathroom doorway as he looked between the bed and the couch out in the living room.

Cloud pressed into Sephiroth, "Don't even think about it," he guessed before pulling Sephiroth in for a gentle kiss.

"That bed is not very large," a logical and obvious observation... Cloud hadn't even thought about that.

"What, you want to sleep alone?" the words were more of a statement than a question. He cupped Sephiroth's face in as he said them, brushing his thumbs along those delicate cheekbones, watching as the man's eyes became hooded from his touch.

The other man was silent for a moment, watching Cloud.

And then finally, "No." Sephiroth's eyes never left his.

"Then come on."

They climbed into bed together, sitting up against the backboard rather than curling up under the blankets. It wasn't that late yet, but they were both exhausted- so bed seemed like the logical solution (Sephiroth's idea). Cloud wondered if the man was just trying to hide how tired he actually was. Whatever the reason, Sephiroth was out like a light after 5 minutes and Cloud sat in peace watching him sleep- just thinking.

Earlier they had decided that they were getting up the next day and leaving. They had no idea  _where_  they were going (maybe Midgar- Cloud  _had_ promised)- they were just going to get on Fenrir and go. Nibelheim held nothing else for them, no more secrets, no more demons. Cloud wouldn't be coming back next year, or probably ever again, and he knew that once he and Sephiroth were gone it truly would be a ghost town.

But that didn't bother Cloud so much- after all, he had other things to live for.


End file.
